In the interest of starting a conversation back up with all of you, I’d love to hear from you!

Up for a fun poll?

CLICK HERE TO JOIN IN

We’re going to have so much fun, talking to stepmom Becky Lippett from La Belle Mere about how she recently transformed her formerly nerve-wracking relationship with the ex-wife in her life.

Join us today at 3:00 p.m. (CST) for an intimate conversation across the Atlantic.

Date: Sunday, June 13th
Time: 3:00-4:00 p.m. (CST)
Phone number: (724) 444-7444
Enter in this Call ID when prompted: 84155

She’ll reveal how she went from being separated and on the verge on divorce due to tensions with the bio-mom — to creating a partnership with the mom that’s “lifted an enormous weight off her shoulders” and turned her marriage completely around — for the better.

Can you say, “We’ve actually gone out for cocktails several times together now….”?

She can!

You’ll have the opportunity to ask questions in advance by email, and during the call by chat or in person.

Hope to see you there!

If you’re struggling in your stepfamily (either with your husband or stepchildren–or both) and you’d like to get some help, a major production company in New York is looking for YOU to film a pilot!

The show will never be shown to the public and will be used for in-house development purposes only. It will feature a well-known celebrity who is recognized for their counseling skills and you’ll receive the benefit of some hands-on help for your particular situation.

The pilot will tape in Los Angeles on Thursday and Friday, June 10th and 11th.

If you live elsewhere, they will provide travel, lodging and a per diem for meals.

They are seeking stepfamilies where the children are a bit older and are capable of articulating their perspective and emotions, ideally ages 15-24.

The producer would like to keep the name of the production company and the celebrity confidential at this point (hence the private email address below), but you are welcome to contact her for more information. You’d recognize many of the shows on today as theirs.

Details:

• Stacy Rollins
• tvproducer@4809@yahoo.com
• Office: 646-728-4819
• Cell: 732-822-3336

This is a great opportunity to create a potential breakthrough in your stepfamily.

Best of luck if you end up in LA!

Cheers,

Jennifer

Mayra (the mom) and Jesica (the stepmom) from the D.C. area tell us their story….

What were some of the biggest problems you USED to have with each other?

Mayra: She was doing too much to try and be the “Mommy.” I felt that when I talked to the kids, they would paint a certain picture. They felt pressured to call her mom, because she would get mad if they didn’t.

Instead of approaching the situation in a calm manner, I would yell at my children’s father about her and instantly become aggressive. Another issue as well, as childish as this may sound, was I did not like it when my daughter kissed her on the lips. To me, that’s something only a biological parent should be doing. I hated the feeling I had when I saw that close connection with them, to be honest. I don’t think I was ready to accept that close affection they shared.

I also had issues with the fact that she would do little things to pester me, such as take my daughter’s hair out after I did it, because as the kids told me “She didn’t like it.” Little things like that….

Jesica: For me, it was this person trying to tell me what I could and could no longer do with the kids, or alone with the kids, because I wasn’t their parent. Things that I was so used to doing prior to that were being taken away from me. Parental alienation was normal around the kids—it was like a tug of war. Who was going to win the kids over by buying them what they wanted or giving them what they needed? A big problem was them calling me Mommy, or me showing up for school events or doctor’s visits.

What made you think it might be possible for things to change for the better? Were there little things that caught your attention? Big things?

Mayra: I sat down with my children and asked them how they honestly felt about her. I told them I wouldn’t be mad or sad. I needed to know what they felt and that’s when my kids told me, “She’s nice to us, Mom—we like her and love her.” Prior to having that conversation, I felt that she was “making them” scared, to the point that they had no other choice but to like her!

To hear that come from my kids, in their own words, made me realize I needed to put all the crap away and deal with her, to work it out with her. But the biggest sign I saw was when we were all at the kids’ school due to a difficult issue. It was the way we were able to put it all aside, work well in the same room, and not have any conflict.

Jesica: I just want to say first that prior to now, we did have a period in which we got along. I had taken a six-month break from my husband (boyfriend at the time) and she and I started to talk, because I wanted to see the kids. After he and I got back together, we stopped talking. I guess she saw it as a betrayal or something.

This time around, what made me think it was possible was after my husband and I got married recently. (We’ve known each other for 6 years.) She allowed the kids to come to our wedding, which I thought she would try and sabotage, but she didn’t. Then for Easter, they got Easter baskets from our house and took them home, and she told my husband to thank me because they were nice. These were the little signs. Not very big ones, because soon after, it was back to the same old drama.

There was one big turning point and it was on a day in which there was a crisis in my six year-old stepdaughter’s school. There was a bully we’d been having issues with almost all year long. I was around the corner when my husband called, so I picked him up, and we met with his ex-wife at the school. Although I’m sure in her head she was wondering why I had to be there, she actually picked up her cup of courage and asked me how I was doing. I was so shocked I said “What?!” and she said, “Come on, okay? I’m trying!” I turned beet red in shock.

From there, I knew there might be a possibility we could make this work. As long as it didn’t just last for that one day! They say sometimes tragedy can bring people together. I think here that statement rings true.

How did you reach out to the other woman? Were you scared? Was she (from what you could tell)?

Mayra: I reached out at the school. It was awkward being there and talking to their dad and completely ignoring her, so I sucked it up and genuinely asked her, “How’re you doing?” and from there the conversation flowed.. She was shocked at first, I could tell. She asked me, “What?” and I replied “Look, I’m trying….”

Jesica: Although she doesn’t know it, I reached out by buying your book. I was scared as to how she would receive it. (In the beginning of the book, it talks about how both sides are jealous and sad and feel like we are in mourning. These were the things that I was sure she would find hard to admit to anyone or even herself!) So I had my husband pretend as though he was buying it for her as a Mother’s Day gift, and he told her that he had bought me one too. I thought she would throw it away or toss it somewhere, but never actually read it.

I feel as though I’ve always been the one more willing to try and work things out, but I do think she was scared to speak to me. Maybe “scared” is the wrong word—let’s say nervous. She and I have a lot in common and our faces are pretty easy to read. She was beet red too when she asked me how I was doing. That is how I knew she was being sincere. Had it been a cold and careless question, she wouldn’t have looked nervous or been blushing when she spoke to me.

What do you think made her willing to meet you halfway?

Mayra: Being honest, I think that she was willing to meet me half way a long time ago. It was me who wasn’t willing to try…. I like to do things on my own time, not on anyone else’s. So I guess when I was finally willing to meet her halfway, she had been ready.

It seems that ever since that day, we’ve been on the same page and are trying to work with each other, not against each other. We’re willing to compromise some of our wants in order to move forward…. We stopped being selfish!

Jesica: Honestly, I think it’s just been so long that we were both tired. Tired of hating each other and nit-picking at everything! It’s exhausting! For the past several years, we’ve been doing it with a passion to the point that I found ways to bring her up everyday.

Even when the kids weren’t around, I thought of different things to bring up and I’m sure it was the same on her side. My husband got tired of it. I got tired of it. I got depressed about it. (I’ve never been to a doctor to confirm this, but I know I was.)

I got tired of seeing how the kids were changing in a negative way. I could tell that they were more sensitive, and less eager to keep going back and forth across the battle lines. I think she finally hit a point where she realized that what she was doing was not benefiting the kids either—and she was over it. When we first started our feud, I was 19-20, and she was 22-23. We’re older and more mature now. All in all, most of what made us change has to do with the kids.

Were there any mistakes you were making before that you’re willing to admit that kept this from happening?

Jesica: Yes. I constantly threw it in her face that she was gone for a period of time and wasn’t consistently in their lives. What I said to her were truths, but I didn’t have to throw them in her face. I constantly reminded her of why the kids loved me and what I did for them that she never did, or could never do because it was too late (for example, potty- training my stepdaughter). I told her that my house was my house and our rules are our rules. It could have been said in a better manner.

The kids would constantly tell us things like, “Mommy said _____,” and I would just say “Well, tell Mommy I don’t care,” or something of that nature. I should’ve just kept my comments to myself, or to my husband. I would do things that a mother would do, but I never consulted her about it, only with my husband.

Mayra: I can admit I let my anger and insecurity blind me from moving forward. I was scared that the kids would like her more than me. I learned that they love her and like her, but I am Mommy and will always be Mommy in their life and no one can take that special bond from me and my kids….. I have learned to share them instead of being selfish and possessive. One can never go wrong with so much love!

How are things between you now?

Mayra: Things are great and peaceful….. There is no more of “that Effin Bitch” flying around. And no anger…. It feels awesome to have an extra partner in our lives to help raise the kids.

Jesica: Things are great right now. The kids are constantly bringing up how we are getting along and how happy they are about it.

We actually spent time together for the first time this past Friday with the kids—she, my husband and I. We went and got my stepson’s hair cut. She and I were there before he arrived. We were talking and laughing and we felt a little awkward, but it will get easier with time.

We’ve been texting and communicating as well. We haven’t just been brushing it off as if this is some easy task. She and I have talked a little about the kids, and how she and I feel about speaking with each other. It has been said that we need to make it work this time and make it last. We both agree no one is going anywhere and that the more love the kids get, the better.

She and I agreed that we need to talk things out and make things happen. We both even admitted that we feel happier now. I feel a huge weight off my shoulders and the anxiety is almost gone.

My only concerns now are that we try not to let small things get in the way and let our emotions run wild. I’m actually doing things with her in mind, so that I don’t offend her, and I can only say I’m hoping she’s doing the same.

Are there any things that you’re looking forward to more, now that you’ve begun to heal your relationship?

Mayra: I look forward to a lot of things. Trips at school, trips out of school and birthday parties and holidays together. Even time with her, hanging out as adults…. We were friends at one point and I’d like to gain that back.

Jesica: I am looking forward to sharing BIRTHDAYS! It used to be so sad when a birthday would fall on her day and we wouldn’t see them. I cannot wait to finally be able to have a birthday party for the kids and not worry about her being there, or vice-versa. We have yet to throw them a party because of it.

I look forward to maybe in the future taking field trips together and hanging out by ourselves, without the kids. (Yes I can see us getting there. Like I said before, she and I actually do have a lot of things in common.)

I also look forward to doing “future firsts” with the kids and not having the stress of them feeling like they have to choose who they talk to—or don’t. I’m looking forward to the kids being happy. The End!

One question for Mayra only….

In many ways, the power to create a cooperative mom/stepmom relationship lies with the mom, because she has so much authority as the mother of the children. In your opinion, why aren’t more moms willing to make it work with the stepmoms?

Mayra: I think that moms are not willing to work it out because they are afraid and feel like something is being taken away from them. I totally understand that, but ladies, remember: you are their MOM and will always be their MOM and sometimes… sharing is caring!

What advice would you give other moms or stepmoms who are having a hard time?

Mayra: Give it a chance, don’t close the door without trying first. Put aside your personal feelings and pay attention to what your kids want. Sometimes your own feelings will blind you.

Jesica: Part of me honestly thought that she really just was the biggest Bitch!! Your book helps. I can give advice, but every situation is different. Most women run on emotions and put up their walls, waiting for an attack. Mothers are very protective of their children and stepparents are just looking to love the children as well.

My advice is simple. Try not to purposely step on anyone’s toes. Communicate. Maybe the other person doesn’t know you want to get along. Maybe one or both adults think you are trying to take the kid(s) away from them. What ever the case may be, as hard as it might be: try.

You may even try several times without your attempts being acknowledged, but as long as you try, then there’s a chance. You don’t have to be best friends, you don’t even have to like each other. You do, however, have to work with each other if you want the kids to be happy.

Ultimately when you see how happy the kids are, you’ll realize how much more happy you are. Trust me when I say that the stress and anger and frustration built up in you will go away and you will feel sooo much better—so much, it’s almost indescribable.

Thanks so much, Mayra and Jesica! And we’re happy for you too!

A happy day to all the stepmoms out there!

Please know that all your efforts make a difference. All the time and taking care of the stepkids, all the things you remember to do (that others don’t even seem to realize are on the list), all the ways in which you try to be flexible and patient and generous, even though sometimes it’s the last thing you feel like doing — know that it matters.

Without you, many kids wouldn’t have the structure that they experience in their dad’s house, the consistency, the nurturing little details that let them know someone is watching over and paying attention.

So from one mom to all of you, I acknowledge your sacrifices and strength. Our kids are the better for it and that will always mean a lot to me — and many other moms out there, even if they don’t always say it.

I know so many of you deeply love and cherish your stepkids. In the face of a potentially tricky stepmom/stepchildren relationship, you still try hard to do what’s ultimately best for the kids.

May your day be filled with some validation, some relaxation and most of all, some FUN! Indulge yourself and take a break from the daily grind!

Big hugs to all of you….

© 2010 Jennifer Newcomb Marine    All Rights Reserved

(New here? Subscribe to our RSS Feed or via email. Follow us on Facebook or Twitter. Check out excerpts from our book or audio book, and join us on the forum!)

Thanks to Aneesah for the photo.

Have a burning question you’d like to ask? Disagree or agree with a recent post? Please come join us, I’d love to hear from you! Any and all input is welcome!

From Peggy Nolan:

“I know I say it about every show…but OH! This is going to be a great show!

When: Monday, May 3, 2010

Time: 8:00 – 9:00 PM EST

Where: http://blogtalkradio.com/thestepmomstoolbox or dial in (347) 843-4229

We realize it’s not always possible to create a working relationship with your stepkids’ mother (and vice versa) because of a variety of reasons, but for the most of us, what’s holding us back from moving forward and creating a strong united front are fear, insecurity, doubt, anger, resentment, jealousy, and a number of other things that keep us trapped inside our own heads.

During the hour we have with Jennifer, we hope to give moms and stepmoms practical tips, tools, and advice on how to build a bridge towards mutual understanding and compassion so that everyone wins. We’re not talking about becoming best friends forever or insist that you have coffee together once a week. We’re talking about forming a working relationship that benefits both households and the kids who live in two places.

(Yes, this show, like all our shows, will be available on demand shortly after we air live!)

Don’t forget to login to BlogTalk when you listen over your computer – Live chat will be open for questions! And don’t forget to click on the ♥ symbol – it will mark our show “favorite” and help boost are ratings.

Be a friend and tell a friend about this show! Or better yet, tell your stepkids’ mother about the show and send her the link so she can listen, too!

After the show, we’ll head over to StepChicks for a post show wrap up!

See you on the Radio!”

Love,

Peggy

Many stepmoms talk about how they just want to give up, after trying so hard to make the relationships work in their own families and between households.

And then there are the poor, hapless kids stuck in the middle, trying to ignore the live grenades bobbing around in the air.

I get it.

It’s hard for everyone.

And yet, I still have this stubborn vision. Call me insane, but I still keep seeing a world in the future where we do things differently after divorce and remarriage.

I can still imagine a way in which we start to tear down these outdated walls, these reactionary expectations about how everyone has to look at the other side like they’re out to get you. Where people get along. Where that’s what’s actually expected of the adults. Where we’ve moved on from the Dark Ages of Family Relationships into a kind of quiet neutrality and, dare I say it, even affection between sides.

I want this so much for all of you I could cry sometimes. I wish you could know in your gut that real change, mind-blowing transformations might be just over the fence, just around the corner, just one magnanimous gesture away.

When two adults get divorced, it’s like they’re walking out of the same house and heading off in separate directions. You go north. I’ll go south.

But when one, or both, of those adults pair up with someone in a new house, they shouldn’t be habitually looking through rifle scopes aimed at the other family! That’s not a loving environment. That’s not a healthy environment. And we damn well wouldn’t want our kids or stepkids living in such a dangerous environment.

But that’s exactly what we’re creating when we just automatically set ourselves against the other household.

And I’m talking to everyone here.

You might say, “Well, we only starting getting pissed off after we had this lunatic come after us! It wasn’t our fault! We only started getting riled up out of self-defense! Really!” …and in some cases, I will believe you.

I’ve heard enough sad, horrifying, mind-boggling tales of borderline-personality-disordered, narcissistic, substance-abusing, Parental Alienation Poster Child adults to last me a lifetime. It’s heartbreaking.

But the VAST majority of us are not dealing with drug addicts or vindictive nutjobs who are hell-bent on ruining the other adults’ lives—and the childrens’ in the process.

The vast majority of us, ALL of us, are simply struggling to get by and have some down time and a little fun at the end of a long day, and figure out our relationships, and how to raise a moody child, whether it’s yours or somebody else’s.

The vast majority of us are just regular people with issues and fears and a million things on our to-do list that we will never get to, but for the most part, we’re doing okay.

And in THIS wide swath of a gray area, this middling land of families, there are WAY too many people who are just being lazy.

There, I said it.

We’re being lazy! We’re not willing to look at how we’re feeding the beast of conflict. How we’re fanning the flames and keeping them going. It’s too uncomfortable. We don’t know how. We don’t know “what to do.”

Basically, we are unwilling to own our part until the other side owns theirs first.

And THAT, dear people, is where we’re going wrong. THAT is how you slide from seeing the “bio-mom” or stepmother with a slight distaste based on ignorance (“I can’t really hate her, since I barely know her!”), to outright hatred.

A little story for you…..

When Carol the Stepmom first came along (and this was how it felt, like she just suddenly “appeared” by magic in my life, as an announcement from the ex), I figured she was just temporary. Part of this was because of the age difference (she was 14 years younger than my ex and I, which is not uncommon, stepmoms are often younger). Part of this was because I just couldn’t really imagine someone else, someone “new” coming into the picture and STAYING there.

Once I realized she was, or appeared to be, a lot of weird stuff kicked in. I felt extremely helpless, threatened, and uncomfortable. I kept thinking, But WHO IS SHE? Why don’t I get a “say” in whether she’s “allowed” to interact with my kids or not? (Whether rational or not.) In every other arena, I had always had a lot more control over what happened in my children’s lives, and now suddenly, I didn’t.

Something switched on inside me and I turned my discomfort from living in a strange and unfamiliar place of weakness, confusion and flying blind — and FOCUSED IT ON HER.

I picked her apart in my little brain. I made her wrong. I disliked her. I saw slights were there were none. I started to develop this little ball of cold fury towards her inside myself and it was sickening.

And I made my ex-husband wrong in even more ways than “normal,” back then.

We spent about a year and a half with BOTH of us (Carol and I) being scared of each other, feeling pissy and angry and judged by the other. Of barely being able to interact or speak to each other — or even look each other in the face, the way you’d look at a stranger on the street!

It was awful. I thank god that life is no longer like that. And my heart goes out to everyone that’s still living that way, because I can still vividly remember how much it sucked.

But here’s the thing, when that “switch” turned on in me, that was the beginning of war.

That’s all it took.

That’s what it looks like.

It’s very simple.

There were no fireworks. There was no yelling. No heated conversations on the phone. No big confrontations or name-calling. No bashing her or my ex in front of the kids.

But it was war nevertheless.

And that’s all it takes for the struggles to begin.

With innocent “miscommunications” on the phone between houses. With disagreements over paltry, or sometimes very large, sums of money. With rigidity and a lack of flexibility over working with the other side when they need it, because doesn’t life always throw you curveballs?

And then the stockpiling kicks in.

You start keeping score of all the times the other side has screwed you over, large or small. You start anticipating being screwed. You “let yourself slide” when it comes to “innocently” screwing them, because you’re tired of always being the better person. It’s exhausting being so noble and fair all the time, isn’t it?

I can talk until I’m blue in the face about all the benefits to be gained by moms and stepmoms getting along, but in many ways, I’m talking to myself.

Why?

Because the people who see themselves at the mercy of the other side have already taken themselves out of the discussion.

Fair enough. No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do.

But I ask you this…

Would you want your own children, or future children, to duplicate the kind of life you are living now, war and all?

Because they will.

© 2010 Jennifer Newcomb Marine     All Rights Reserved

(New here? Subscribe to our RSS Feed or via email. Follow us on Facebook or Twitter. Check out excerpts from our book or audio book, and join us on the forum!)

Recommended Posts:

• Top Ten Reasons for a Mother/Stepmother Revolution
• A crystal ball: will my relationship with the other woman ever improve?
• Always a choice
• The Joy of Being Judgmental Quiz

Feeling like there’s an enemy in your midst can be really stressful. This is what a lot of stepmoms and ex-wives that are stuck with each other feel like — there’s someone who’s closely connected to your life that has it out for you. This “breach” in family life is really nerve-wracking and hard to ignore. Family life is (ideally) supposed to be where you can relax and retreat from the world. Where you’re free to be yourself. Where you feel accepted and connected. Having the other woman around is like someone peeking in through your window, like a cold draft coming in from under the door, or god forbid, like a leak in the submarine. Not a good feeling!

I showed you a simple exercise that you can do to get back to feeling strong and grounded in part two of this series. If you want to center yourself while you attempt to improve your relationship with the other woman, or if you simply want more ways to bounce back from conflict between the two of you, here are a few more tricks to try:

Watching the ego: Most of us are very invested in how we come across to rest of the world. We don’t want to be seen as weak, clueless, losers. We still feel like that sometimes, but we’re always hoping no one else can see those parts. That investment is based on your ego, a false persona. It’s nothing more than a mirage, because your ego is not you! Can you step aside, become the watcher, and observe your ego in action? If you can, it’s a lot easier to not feel threatened by someone else’s behavior, even when it’s thoughtless or unkind. You have nothing to defend, because you realize the public persona is not what counts, it’s the YOU behind it.

Being in the present moment: Think of the past, present and future on a single line in front of you. Draw a line with your hands. The present moment is exactly in the middle. Ding! How often are you there? Are you actually living most of your life jumping around, back and forth, leap-frogging over the present moment? Now imagine that line, traveling through time and space, but with you still doing the same thing. Days pass like this. Months. Years. What do you think about that? The past is gone, it doesn’t exist anymore except in your mind. The future is yet to come, but we sure spend a lot of time anticipating it, don’t we? Especially in negative ways. Being in the moment is wonderfully freeing. So simple, it almost seems impossible that it could be so powerful and healing. And yet… there it is, available to you anytime you need it.

Testing your thoughts: There’s a little hamster living in your brain, running on one of those squeaky exercise wheels. It’s a hamster that can talk, and it’s actually rambling on all day long, deciphering events, giving you a running monologue about yourself, other people, and how the world works. Is the hamster always telling you the truth? How much of what the hamster says is based on old baggage or actual reality? Sometimes it pays to question the hamster and verify whether what you’re believing is right on–or total baloney. It matters because we ACT on those messages. Make sure your beliefs and actions are heading you in the right direction.

Get some fresh air and your blood flowing: Ahhh, the joys of exercise! For some reason, many of us dread it and put it off, but once we do it, we can’t understand why we ever avoided it. A lot of us are already stuck feeling bad about our bodies, so it feels like exercise is “for other people” or will be for us once we reach some arbitrary weight in the future. Bullshit! Your body was meant to MOVE, to feel alive, to stretch, to lift, to breathe deeply, to feel strong. When you get your heart pumping and the blood moving, you actually discharge negative emotions. Did you know that? There’s plenty of scientific evidence saying so. Wiggle that stuff out of you and feel better in the process.

Tune into life force/the divine: Whatever your religious beliefs happen to be, you have to admit that it’s pretty miraculous that we’re even alive at all, wouldn’t you say? That you’re unique. That so many of us have lived before us and will (hopefully) live after us too. That we co-exist with this vast and complex menagerie of plants and animals and a mind-blowing profusion of the awe-inspiring geographical features of our planet. If you don’t believe in God, or even if you do, can you close your eyes and tune into the power of life that animates us all? You may not be as alone as you think you are during tough times. Lean on that for a bit and see how it feels.

Your thoughts?

© 2010 Jennifer Newcomb Marine    All Rights Reserved

Our book No One’s the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for the Mother and Stepmother Relationship is a hands-on manual designed to help you navigate some really strange, disorienting territory. Get your bearings, learn tips and tricks for diffusing conflict and creating cooperation, and create inner peace no matter what. Coming this April! A beta version of a brand new, in-depth,stepmom/mom transformation course… and details on private consultations.

Related Posts:

• Taming the Cobra – Part 1
• Taming the Cobra – Part 2
• The Power of Being Naked
• Digging up the dirt to plant flowers
• The guilt of gossip
• On not even peeking behind the curtains, because there are no curtains

I’m behind on writing the third part to the Taming the Cobra series. It will be up later today or first thing tomorrow Sunday. In the meantime, here’s some news about what looks to be an excellent book on parenting by author Amy Tiemann, available for FREE for one day only. My friend Amy McCready of Positive Parenting Solutions (an awesome resource itself that I highly recommend if you want to stepparent or parent from the heart) has all the details:

“A new book -Courageous Parents, Confident Kids – Letting Go So You Both Can Grow, will be released on April 19 and is available for one day only as a free download.

Mojo Mom author, Dr. Amy Tiemann, Ph.D., brought together 14 experts in this book to discuss how we can courageously bring out the best in our kids and in ourselves.  I’m honored to contribute a chapter in this book.

Michelle Borba, Ed.D. (author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries) says:  “Tiemann’s ‘letting go so you both can grow’ is the shift parents need to nurture themselves and their families with absolute confidence and joy.

Amy Tiemann is graciously offering a free download of this book and she’s given me permission to share.  The download will only be available one day and you will have to sign up before hand. Reserve a digital copy by signing up HERE. (After the free download, it will sell for $15.95.)”

Thanks, Amy!

And stepfamily therapist Joan Sarin, M.S. of Stepfamily SOS is starting an intriguing new video project that sounds invaluable for stepfamilies — and those involved on the side, such as moms like myself. I virtually “met” Joan during Stepmom Magazine’s recent “Ask an Expert Day” and really liked her reassuring, compassionate take on a lot of reader questions. Here’s what she had to say:

“The Stepfamily Diaries project is looking for volunteers to share an experience depicting your feelings about your stepmom/stepdad/partner/stepdaughter/stepson – either at the start of your stepfamily, or at times when you felt misunderstood. These feelings can be current or in the past. It’s an opportunity for you to be heard, and to help others to understand what those in their role go through.

All you need is a photo (if it’s comfortable) that depicts the age of the experience you are relating, and a few minutes for an interview. Send an email to “diaries (at sign) stepmomsos.com, and you will scheduled to become part of The Stepfamily Diaries.

Each person who participates will receive a special “how to” video: Building Understanding and Rapport Through Active Listening.

Thanks for your help and cooperation, and please let me know how I can be of help to you as well! See the StepfamilySOS Facebook fan page for more info!”

Thanks, Joan!

© 2010 Jennifer Newcomb Marine     All Rights Reserved

Our book No One’s the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for the Mother and Stepmother Relationship is a hands-on manual designed to help you navigate some really strange, disorienting territory. Get your bearings, learn tips and tricks for diffusing conflict and creating cooperation, and create inner peace no matter what. Coming this April! A beta version of a brand new, in-depth, stepmom/mom transformation course… and details on private consultations.