creating joy despite divorced mom/stepmom conflict
We are thrilled to announce that after two years of work, we’ve finally completed writing “Skirts at War: Creating Peace Amidst Divorced Mom and Stepmom Conflict.” For those of you not familiar with it, it’s the book that probably should have been written before ”No One’s the Bitch.” “Skirts at War” is a comprehensive, self-help book… [Continue Reading]
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that so many people are divorced now? I remember when my kids were in elementary school and I was still married, we were surrounded by other nuclear families during drop-offs and pick-ups and school events. In junior high, not so much. In high school, neither… [Continue Reading]
One day while we were talking on the phone, we realized: one reason these relationships between households can seem so impossible is because we have the two most important relationships of our lives competing against each other: parent and child vs. husband and wife. This creates a dynamic in relationships that we like to call… [Continue Reading]
If there’s one thing I wish I could tell LeAnn Rimes Cibrian and Brandi Glanville, it would be: keep it to yourselves. Or rather, keep it between yourselves and out of the spotlight. “It” being their very public disagreement currently playing itself out on Twitter and as of today, in a gossip magazine. The tiff initially… [Continue Reading]
I’m going to take a guess here: nothing in your situation is what you expected. Is it? We’ve all heard that expectations lead to disappointment, because inevitably, things turn out differently. But we had no idea just how off our expectations could be, did we? Stepmoms thought that mom would be thankful to have a… [Continue Reading]
I’m sure divorced moms experience this as well, but this complaint seems to be more prevalent among stepmoms, probably because moms hold more power when it comes to their children. Pick a situation, it could be anything: you think things are going well and then you get a nasty email or text telling you how it’s going… [Continue Reading]
For those of you who are having trouble letting go of the stepmom or divorced mom in your life, this is for you. Do you find yourself obsessing about her? Stepmoms, are you feeling the need to show up at every event she’s going to be at so you can “monitor” her behavior? Afraid she’ll… [Continue Reading]
As I begin decluttering my house in preparation for selling it and moving to Oregon, I’m struck by how many things I’ve hung onto over the years for reasons I can’t even remember. The things themselves are tied to memories, dreams, and old priorities. They’re also tied to “issues” I used to have and some… [Continue Reading]
What are we shooting for here? How can we help you? Our best-selling book – and this site – focuses on how to create a better relationship between ex-wives and stepmoms, or, in other words, traditional enemies. We’re unique in that our perspective is informed by BOTH sides – a divorced mom and a stepmom. The… [Continue Reading]
We’re all women. We all struggle. We’ve all had thoughts and feeling we wish we didn’t. We’re all in situations we wish we could change. We’re similar in so many ways, yet we continue to be separate. Mom has to struggle knowing her children are part of another family, one that doesn’t include her. This… [Continue Reading]
Do you think you’re able to change someone? I’m guessing intellectually you know you can’t. After all, how many times have you heard “The only person you can control is yourself”? Yet you continue to think: “Maybe if I’m nicer to her…” “Maybe if I appease her…” “Maybe if I ignore her…” “Maybe if I… [Continue Reading]
(Stepmoms! Tired of struggling? Register now for Jenna’s Stepmom Bootcamp!) I know many of you have been falsely accused of a variety of offenses by the other woman. Some of them completely ridiculous that left you thinking, Where the hell did that come from?? She couldn’t be more wrong! Its like she concocted some strange story… [Continue Reading]
I caught the tail end of the Little League World Series (Japan vs. the U.S.) today…. I stopped mid-channel-surfing because I thought–wait–what are these little kids doing playing such an intense game of baseball? And why is it on TV? I was reminded of, many years ago, living in Spain as a child and my… [Continue Reading]
When it comes to how you expect the other woman to behave, could you meet those same standards? Never say a single bad word against you. Always do what’s best for the children (according to your private interpretation). Never be late (come hell, high water or bad traffic). Never get angry, be snippy, play the… [Continue Reading]
There are plenty of divorced mom and stepmom “couples,” trying to make it. Hoping to find a way, at the very least, to be cordial to each other. Maybe even friendly. Peaceful. But this relationship is tricky at best. Just when you think you’ve made some progress, a rude comment or accusation comes out of… [Continue Reading]
Many problems between houses start because someone is actually trying to solve a problem. A father desperately misses his kids. A stepmom is trying to find her place in a family with lots of history that came before her. A mom feels disoriented, sharing parental responsibilities with someone she doesn’t know. People struggle with their… [Continue Reading]
(Thursday, 7/28 from 7-8:00 CST. The call is limited to 100 attendees, so reserve your space! Click here to register.) (Work through your toughest stepmom issues at Jenna’s Stepmom Bootcamp!) Join us this Thursday for a free, live webinar with two leading experts in their field: Debbie Nigro, co-founder of First Wives World and “Stepmonster”… [Continue Reading]
(Register now for Jenna’s Stepmom Bootcamp!) “What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already IS?” – Eckhart Tolle Have you ever noticed how much you’re resisting your current situation? Start paying attention to your thoughts. How often do you catch yourself complaining about the way things are? How… [Continue Reading]
(Join Jenna for Stepmom Bootcamp!) I just got the go-ahead from my agent this weekend for an NOTB follow-up! The book is tentatively titled, “No One’s the Bitch SUCCESS: What Worked and How to Do More of It – Even If She Doesn’t Change.” I’ve learned a lot over the years since writing the first… [Continue Reading]
(Register for Jenna’s Stepmom Bootcamp!) I took my two big dogs for a walk down at the greenbelt for the first time the other morning. I had to admit, I was nervous. New retractable leash. A German Shepherd (Lucy, almost 12, still going strong) who’s rarely, but nevertheless potentially fearful and aggressive. A Siberian Husky… [Continue Reading]
I sometimes like to think of weird things that might have extremely large numbers assigned to them. …How many breaths each and every creature that’s ever lived has taken, all together. …How many times the clouds have passed over the sun as someone looked skyward. …How many times you’ve eaten lunch. …How many times your… [Continue Reading]
The other woman is out to get you. Everything she does is motivated by an intense, burning desire to see you fail, to make you suffer. Her life revolves around making you miserable — and miserable you are, despite yourself. Although… something about this feeling seems familiar. You can’t quite put your finger on it……. [Continue Reading]
Most of us are reluctant to turn the flashlight back on ourselves and look at the ways we might have screwed up. After all, who likes feeling like they’ve messed up? Like the balance of power has shifted in the story and all of a sudden, instead of the other person being so predictably wrong… [Continue Reading]
(Disclaimer: these descriptions don’t encompass all situations. There are outliers and extremes and hundreds of different scenarios. But these are the most common experiences for many stepmoms.) 1. She isn’t playing house with your child and your ex-husband. Stepmoms are trying to build their own family, a very real family that includes their husband, and… [Continue Reading]
As some of you may already know, Jenna has had a less than ideal relationship with the mother of her stepchildren. These relationships are contentious! But in the spirit of showing women what’s possible with our Just Meet Her! Challenge this month, she agreed to serve as a guinea pig and issue an invitation. Lo… [Continue Reading]
(Audrey S. [mom] and Gina W. [stepmom] on Mother’s Day with their children.) The problem of the world is that we draw the circle of our family too small. -Mother Theresa Our old grievances can change in an instant when we simply open to the other… and listen. WHAT IF… the divorced mom or stepmom is… [Continue Reading]
Over the weekend, we learned a valuable lesson. Jenna shared a link to an article on our Facebook page that she thought might be potentially inflammatory, but also stimulate an interesting discussion — given the fact that some stepmoms do indeed wrestle with this kind of behavior with the mom in their lives. All hell… [Continue Reading]
Happy Mother’s Day! Thank for all you do for these little beings (and sometimes medium and big ones) who can be moody, uncooperative, whiny, over-sensitive and angry –- but also wonderfully innocent, vulnerable, warm, playful, all-accepting, and sweetly kind. Our children need ALL of us! They need as many adults to love them as possible… [Continue Reading]
On Thursday, Jenna’s post “One woman’s frog is another’s woman’s prince” lit up our blog and Facebook page with massive hits and fascinating feedback. She really struck a nerve. Most of the feedback was from stepmoms, but her post was important for moms to read too. We often forget that the men we divorced can… [Continue Reading]
Note: I’m apologizing ahead of time for anyone that I might piss off with this post. It is not my intention . Okay, here goes! There are 2 complaints I hear often from moms regarding their ex-husbands. The first complaint is that if he’s remarried and the stepmom plays an active parenting role, then he… [Continue Reading]
Funny thing about us and driving…. When we cut someone else off in traffic because we have a lot on our mind that day — we’re tearful, or pissed, or stressed out about a gut-wrenching problem with no end in sight — we cut ourselves some slack. We’re really not THAT kind of driver, we… [Continue Reading]
On Tuesday, I posted a challenge on Facebook for all of you peace pioneers, and I was pleasantly surprised to see how many of you were ready to take it on. For those of you who missed it, here’s the challenge: For one week, when faced with an emotional trigger, wait 5 minutes before responding…. [Continue Reading]
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Philo Here’s a little experiment to try this week…. If you’re wanting to create a friendlier relationship with the mom or stepmom and aren’t sure where to start, first, consider doing something simple and stopping any subtly combative behavior. Is your voice tight when… [Continue Reading]
What thoughts keep you company at night? Thoughts about how wonderful, beautiful and bright you are? Or thoughts about how you’re not skinny enough, smart enough or good enough? Thoughts about what an awful person the stepmom or ex-wife is? Or thoughts geared toward understanding, curiosity or acceptance? Our thoughts are so powerful, that they… [Continue Reading]
1. Your grievances live inside you long after the event has passed, which feels terrible. 2. Your grudges don’t actually improve the outcome of future problems. 3. You’re inadvertently “leaking” your resentment onto innocent bystanders. 4. It’s possible to forgive… and still create healthy boundaries that protect you from future pain and unhappiness. 5. When… [Continue Reading]
Relationship and stepmom coach Jenna Korf talks about why she’s here, her own journey as a stepmom, and how she’s hoping to connect with all of YOU here on No One’s the Bitch. Jennifer’s version of her story can be found here. And stay tuned for another video this week, where Jen and Jenna describe… [Continue Reading]
Some of you have already done this, and some of you are considering it. You’ve reached a point in your life where, for whatever reason, you’ve decided to take a break from trying to make it work with the stepmom or ex-wife. You’ve taken back your olive branch and tucked it away for safe… [Continue Reading]
Let’s say some prayers for our friends and neighbors in Japan. The earthquake and tsunami have once again reminded us just how easily everything can be taken away from any of us in an instant, and now, a terrifying nuclear crisis is unfolding before our very eyes. May they find a way to cool the… [Continue Reading]
Many stepmoms enter into their new family, and before they know it — without warning — find themselves providing transportation for the kiddies, cooking for the family after a long day of work, making sure homework gets done, dealing with their husband’s ex, and doing many other energy-draining tasks. Unfortunately, when they come up for… [Continue Reading]
Maybe you experienced a long, slow slide towards divorce. The communication dwindled. The awesome sex became lost in the tidal wave of daily life demands. It was always one thing after another with the kids. Or perhaps you were unlucky enough to be blind-sided by the sting of infidelity. However you found yourself in the… [Continue Reading]
At 46, I’m certainly not one of the greatest rock climbers around, but it’s a obsession I truly love that has changed me on many levels. Just like any sport that attracts die-hard followers, it has its own lingo and insider terminology. “Beta” are the tips and inside scoop to help you successfully complete a… [Continue Reading]
Happy New Year and farewell to 2010! I am thrilled to introduce a new direction for the new year – a new blogging and workshop partner! Jenna Korf and I have corresponded over the last several years and have finally found a way to work together. She’ll be doing some guest posts here, we’ll try… [Continue Reading]
COACHING NOW AVAILABLE Please check out my new coaching page! You’ll find a variety of coaching options, if you’re interested in getting further support. There’s also a way to sign up for a free mini-session to test drive the car…. Coming this week: FREE DOWNLOADABLE GUIDE Free, in-depth guide on whether to take action on… [Continue Reading]
Relationships between ex-husbands and ex-wives are minefields fraught with potential explosions. Toss a few kids, a stepmother or second husband, and plenty of strong opinions about the way “things should be” into the mix, and it’s pretty much guaranteed you’ll be doing lots of tiptoeing through the tulips. Or cowpies…. Even in the most amicable… [Continue Reading]
My youngest daughter is living with her dad and stepmom now and I often miss her. While it makes me happy to know that she’s thriving there (and at almost 13, that’s quite a feat!), I still can’t quite get used to her room being empty most of the time and not having her snooping… [Continue Reading]
Dating while you’re a single mother can be quite the balancing act. If you’ve never done it before and find yourself dipping toes into dating waters for the first time, you may wonder how anyone manages to juggle it. If dating is old hat, you know of which I speak. You may find yourself looking… [Continue Reading]
It’s all well and good to read here about our wonderful, happy blended family, or about other harmonious ex-wife/stepmother teams at equally brilliant, literate, incisive sites. But what if you really are struggling mightily with the stepmother or ex-wife in your life? What if you honestly, truly just CAN’T STAND the woman! Is “hate” too… [Continue Reading]
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