To celebrate the official launch of our book on Tuesday, May the 5th, we're offering: a free, downloadable companion No One's the Bitch Workbook (maintain your privacy and the pristine innards of the book at the same time!) raffles prizes through June 6! Come back on Tuesday for a full list of prizes, but for… [Continue Reading]
May 2, 2009 By
No One’s the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for Mothers and Stepmothers is a revolutionary, new approach to diffusing the traditional animosity between moms and stepmoms — and creating a brand, new version of an extended family that’s healthier and happier. If you’re ready to move forward and are curious about how to start resolving some… [Continue Reading]
Digging up the dirt to plant flowers
May 1, 2009 By 3 Comments
One of the weirdest things I’ve ever had to do was something I did while I was writing this book on creating mother/stepmother harmony last year. As some of you may or may not know, Carol’s an artist (a very busy, successful one). We collaborated on the outline and topics for the book. And I… [Continue Reading]
Our book is #1 on Amazon's Hot New Releases!
April 16, 2009 By 2 Comments
Woohoo! Our book is #1 in TWO different categories on Amazon: divorce and stepparenting! This is so exciting we can barely stand it! The status is updated hourly, but it's been up there awhile now…. A special shout-out to all of Carol's readers who helped propel the book to the top of the charts… [Continue Reading]
Calling all DC-area moms and stepmoms that get along!
April 15, 2009 By Leave a Comment
Woohoo! The illustrious Washington Post is interested in covering our upcoming book, "No One's the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan for Mothers and Stepmothers" (Globe Pequot, 2009), due out May 5th. They're looking to interview a mom and stepmom that actually have a fairly cooperative relationship (not perfect, just… workable!). Do you know of anyone who… [Continue Reading]
Whew, worth the defacement risk!
April 7, 2009 By 3 Comments
We just got our first national review, and while it's a short one, and mixed in with a huge round-up of other books on step-parenting, it's a good one! None other than the esteemed Library Journal said, “Bitch is a worthy, energetic workbook…Chatty and funny, it provides useful ideas (e.g., make small offerings) and sound… [Continue Reading]
On not even peeking behind the curtains, because there are no curtains…
April 2, 2009 By 1 Comment
Sometimes I struggle with tone on this blog. I want so much to inspire people – to show them a different vision of what’s possible between families (originally I typed “bision” instead of “vision” which reminded me of “bison,” but I’m not up much on buffalo, so clearly, that wouldn’t have worked) after a divorce…. [Continue Reading]
One big, weird, happy family…
March 30, 2009 By 2 Comments
What are some examples of celebrities that have gotten divorced, remarried, and then created a brand new extended family that works? Here's what Rumer Willis, daughter of actors Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, said about her father and step-father Ashton Kutcher in Us Magazine… "We all have so much fun together. I’m so lucky," she… [Continue Reading]
Monday Maybe: Be stubborn about the truth!
March 23, 2009 By Leave a Comment
(How did it go last week? Did you refrain from any unhelpful behavior, even once? Did you stop some of your negative thoughts mid-train? What did you discover?) Question for you, moving forward…. First, let's assume that you do indeed have some changes to make when it comes to creating a better relationship with the… [Continue Reading]
Monday Maybe: First, do no harm…
March 16, 2009 By Leave a Comment
(Here’s a little experiment to try this week….) Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Philo If you’re wanting to create a friendlier relationship with the mom or stepmom and aren’t sure where to start, first, consider doing something simple and stopping any subtly combative behavior. Is your voice tight when… [Continue Reading]
Good, bad, it's always changing…
March 10, 2009 By Leave a Comment
Gratitude has been on my mind a lot lately this past week. Two Sundays ago, there was a large fire (1200 acres) out in the nearby town where David and Carol (my ex and the girls' stepmom) recently moved. It was only a few miles from their new house and we spent some harrowing moments… [Continue Reading]
Free book introduction!
February 13, 2009 By 2 Comments
Check out the Introduction to our book! It's available for download as a PDF here. You're also invited to join us on our wild goose chase as we attempt to get in touch with such folks as Demi Moore and Will Smith for a book endorsement. (The clock is ticking! We're running out of time!)!… [Continue Reading]
Slow family living — pressing the reset button
February 11, 2009 By 1 Comment
It's all too easy to focus on the problems in your family, whether you're a stepmom unhappy with the bio-mom, a single mom who wishes the stepmom wasn't in the picture, or an ex-wife who's remarried and still struggling with the reality of "two" families. But it's all still a matter of focus… Where are… [Continue Reading]
Watch the characterization
January 26, 2009 By 1 Comment
The Stepfamily Letter Project
January 16, 2009 By 3 Comments
Wow, I have a great new site to recommend and it makes me wonder why no one thought of this sooner! Please stop by The Stepfamily Letter Project and read a few anonymous letters — kinda like a longer version of Found, or Postsecret. They're written by stepkids, moms, husbands, and of course, stepmoms, and… [Continue Reading]
What if you've been betrayed?
January 12, 2009 By 1 Comment
So what if you extended yourself with the mom or stepmom and it went poorly? What if you reached out to her and she screwed you? Or you were just going about your business when you suddenly realized, Whoa! That is totally unfair? Happens to all of us. Stepmom/mom scenarios are rife with little exploded… [Continue Reading]
What's your one word for the new year?
December 29, 2008 By 2 Comments
For the past two years, instead of making a bunch of New Year's resolutions that stress me out and make me feel guilty, I've simply picked one, single word as my focus for the new year. Previously, I've used "support" and this past year, it was "ease." I can happily say I found surprising sources… [Continue Reading]
The right names for the right meaning…
December 27, 2008 By 1 Comment
I just discovered the blog of a dear friend, Joel — one of my favorite people to climb with. I had no idea he was such a talented, closet scribbler! Here's a link to a thought-provoking post about how the names we have for each other in these newfangled family relationships don't really do justice… [Continue Reading]
Book Review: Keeping Kids Out of the Middle
December 11, 2008 By 1 Comment
Imagine if children young and old could speak in keen, poignant words about how parental conflict affects them – in terms that adults would not only understand, but get their attention as well. Then imagine that those words have been channeled into a book by a child psychologist who’s surely put in his years consoling… [Continue Reading]
Book review tomorrow: Keeping Kids Out of the Middle, by Benjamin Garber, PhD
December 10, 2008 By Leave a Comment
Come back tomorrow, when we'll be reviewing "Keeping Kids Out of the Middle: Child-Centered Parenting in the Midst of Conflict, Separation and Divorce" by Benjamin Garber, PhD, sponsored by TLC Book Tours. Garber's got some great ideas for how parents can work together, during times when they'd be normally be pulling apart (and making the… [Continue Reading]
Happy Holidays!
November 25, 2008 By Leave a Comment
Some early Thanksgiving quotes for you, courtesy of Interlude Retreat's Thought of the Day archive, since we'll be out of town. May you feel blessed by abundance and realize all the many, many ways in which you are truly lucky! To have courage for whatever comes in life – everything lies in that. -Saint Teresa… [Continue Reading]
Are you feeling unsupported?
November 18, 2008 By Leave a Comment
The ironic thing about working on your relationship with the mom or stepmom in your life is that the harder you're working at improving things between you, the less outside support you have. Just when you need it most, the cheerleaders have vacated the sidelines and are already waiting in their cars to exit the… [Continue Reading]
QUIZ: Whose World Is This?
October 30, 2008 By 2 Comments
Sure, many mothers and stepmothers may not get along well, but they've got one very important thing in common. Neither one of them is ever going to be the "nuclear wife” in a family made up of Mom, Dad and the little ones. Perhaps an acknowledgment of the challenges and heartache associated with this fact… [Continue Reading]
Some favorite quotes
October 28, 2008 By Leave a Comment
New, long post coming tomorrow. For now, here are a few quotes I like: What is important is not what hurts and pleases, but to see what is true. And then that truth will operate, not you.-Krishnamurti He who fears he shall sufferalready suffers what he fears.-Montaigne It is not the perfect, but the imperfect… [Continue Reading]
Blog round-up/shutdown
October 13, 2008 By 1 Comment
A weird thing happened on my way to a new post…. I thought I'd peruse a few blogs on our link list and see what folks have been up to so I could point readers in an interesting direction (kind of the lazy way to generate content, but sometimes, that's all you got). My first… [Continue Reading]
Who gets to be your mama?
October 1, 2008 By 4 Comments
There's a fascinating discussion taking place over on the Doughtie Houses Exchange (DHX) site about the weird feelings both mother and stepmothers struggle with when the children bond with the stepmother (up to 65 comments so far!). In "Other Women's Children," mom Kathy Shirek Doughtie talks about bonding with her new step-son and whether it's… [Continue Reading]
Done!
September 29, 2008 By Leave a Comment
Hi all! You'll be seeing and hearing a lot more from me, now that the first draft of the book is done! I inished Saturday, and am taking a few days off to get some distance before I jump back in for revisions. We had an amazing team of twenty-three reviewers helping us (friends, family,… [Continue Reading]
How do you regroup?
September 8, 2008 By 4 Comments
Man…. Have you ever just gotten to a point with the mom or stepmom where you're about to tear your hair out? Or you feel like you're melting into a tiny, hopeless, muddy puddle? Or like you're going to catch the curtains on fire through the sheer power of your anger alone? The chapter we're… [Continue Reading]
Painting in Germany
September 5, 2008 By Leave a Comment
I know it's been incredibly quiet here. I've been working on the book and Carol (and the rest of the family too) just returned from Germany. Here's one of her daily paintings from her stay in Schluchsee, a picturesque little town in the Southwestern part of the country. You can read more about the creation… [Continue Reading]
Who gets to define reality?
August 26, 2008 By 6 Comments
Where should we draw the line with our links? This is a question Carol and I found ourselves discussing in-depth the other day, after a recent event that I can’t discuss publicly. It certainly led to some tricky questions for us, without clear-cut answers. Such as… To what extent are we responsible for the content… [Continue Reading]
The Fragile Bridge of Trust
May 14, 2008 By 4 Comments
When Indiana Jones threw sand out into the precipice, suddenly revealing an invisible bridge, he found the magical solution to quickly getting across, away from his enemies. But… he still had to actually cross the narrow bridge without falling off. Trust between you and the stepmom or mom is like that same skinny bridge made real… [Continue Reading]
Do you make these mistakes with your ex-husband?
March 7, 2008 By 1 Comment
Relationships between ex-husbands and ex-wives are minefields fraught with potential explosions. Toss a few kids, a stepmother or second husband, and plenty of strong opinions about the way “things should be” into the mix, and it’s pretty much guaranteed you’ll be doing lots of tiptoeing through the tulips. Or cowpies…. Even in the most amicable… [Continue Reading]
The Guilty Pleasure of Gossip
February 8, 2008 By 2 Comments
Gossip always comes back to bite you in the ass. And with stepmothers and ex-wives in particular, there seems to be plenty of it to go around. Think about it. The set-up is perfect. You’re probably privy to the odd personal detail about each other, and yet, if you’re like most women in this situation,… [Continue Reading]
Babysitting My Ex-Husband’s Son for the Weekend
February 4, 2008 By 7 Comments
This weekend I did something kind of weird, only in the sense that it doesn’t happen very often around the world, as far as I know…. I babysat David and Carol’s 3-year old son, Jacob from Friday morning ’til Sunday afternoon. They went out of town for a well-deserved break (alone! first time since he… [Continue Reading]
The Awesome Power of Thank You and Hello
January 23, 2008 By 5 Comments
They’re a social lubricant, a path through the thorny woods, an accepted mechanism for interaction in the world of people, sometimes very obnoxious people. Manners…. Remember those? No matter where you are on the spectrum of ex-wife/stepmother relations, you can’t go wrong if you use the basics. Let’s say you’re stuck with Annoying Aunt Edna… [Continue Reading]
Focusing on What Works or On Perpetual Problems
January 18, 2008 By Leave a Comment
It’s so easy to focus on what’s wrong in our lives. My ex-husband David told me about an interesting theory a few days ago: our cave-man brains are so used to honing in on what’s incomplete, what needs to be done, that vague sense of “not enough, not enough” as an once-useful, but now outdated… [Continue Reading]
How an Ex-wife and Stepmom Stopped Hating Each Other – Our Story
January 11, 2008 By 6 Comments
It’s all well and good to read here about our wonderful, happy blended family, or about other harmonious ex-wife/stepmother teams at equally brilliant, literate, incisive sites. But what if you really are struggling mightily with the stepmother or ex-wife in your life? What if you honestly, truly just CAN’T STAND the woman! Is “hate” too… [Continue Reading]
It’s Not All Perfect Here Either…
December 5, 2007 By Leave a Comment
A question someone asked me before about these modern arrangements: how can anyone relate to our stories if everything seems so hunky-dory? If the average reader is struggling with their respective “other woman”, how the hell are they supposed to gain any solace from reading about our touchy-feely, slow-motion moments of perfection? The answer is… they’re… [Continue Reading]
Has our blog helped you?
We get the periodical request for private help by email, and upon rare occasions, a lively rant. But what we really love are comments! When a post generates lots of activity, it's great to see what everyone's thinking, what their own personal take is on an issue, even if folks disagree. Sometimes, especially when folks… [Continue Reading]