Raw stepmom/mom honesty and how we got over the hate-hump
I just listened to a really in-depth interview Carol and I did with husband/wife team Phillip and Lisa Mulford over on Communication 360 and I hope you'll give it a listen too. It's raw and emotional and extremely honest. However cringe-y it is to hear your own recorded voice (I always think I sound like Peppermint Patty from "Charlie Brown"), it sucked me right back in because our interviewers were so damned good, asking such incisive and on-target questions about conflict between ex-wives and stepmoms.
For those of you who wonder if Carol really exists, you'll get to hear her tell a lot of her story – what it was like in the beginning, some of her biggest challenges as a stepmom, and what helped her get past the traditional animosity we used to have with each other. She has a great laugh and I love her dearly.
As for me, you'll hear about what prompted me to reach out to her, how I moved through some of the more heartbreaking aspects of getting a divorce, and why I'm so passionate about helping moms and stepmoms go beyond the same, old sludge that typically characterizes these "bio-mom"/stepmom relationships.
I got really choked up during one part. Par for the course I guess if you're going to be talking about the juicy stuff. At least no one asked me what kind of tree I'd like to be!
You can find the interview HERE (with a bit of a long intro.).
Also, check out a fascinating post, An Outraged Rant: Legal Guardianship, by Jacquelyn Fletcher over on Becoming a Stepmom about the built-in discrimation we have in our legal system against step-families. I've never had to think about these issues before because I'm "the mom," but can you imagine being told you can't get your stepchildren a fricking library card because you don't have a legal guardianship document proving your relationship to them? It sounds like something from World War II!
Just goes to show you how out of step we are with HOW THINGS ACTUALLY ARE in our society with stepfamilies (c'mon people, they're EVERYWHERE!)… and how our out-dated rules and resources continue to operate like nothing has changed.
Have a great weekend and thanks for reading!
© 2009 Jennifer Newcomb Marine All Rights Reserved
Excellent interview! Good for both of you for making the children the number one priority!
I’ve been a step-parent where the children lived with us full-time. It wasn’t an easy road but somewhere along the way, the boys’ mother and I were able to make our way and establish a good working relationship. Even though I’m now divorced from the boys’ father, I’ve still remained in close contact with the boys and their mother. As my daughter (who’s now 28) says, after more than 25 years, Pat is family too.
I wish a blog like this had been around 30 years ago to help us as we muddled through the process! Thanks for sharing!
What an interview. Both of you were so honest when discussing the details of your journey.
I really keyed in on the portion where you were talking about grieving the loss of your marriage. I thought for a long time I was the only one who felt like I had lost this part of my life.
I also liked what you said about rebuilding your family in a different form – that of the extended family. It really bothers me that I can’t give my child the family I wanted – but maybe I should focus on something that is different but still a family.