The Stepfamily Letter Project
Wow, I have a great new site to recommend and it makes me wonder why no one thought of this sooner!
Please stop by The Stepfamily Letter Project and read a few anonymous letters — kinda like a longer version of Found, or Postsecret.
They're written by stepkids, moms, husbands, and of course, stepmoms, and each person has the chance to say things they might not otherwise feel comfortable saying. There are messages of anger and resentment, sadness and regret, but also some startlingly beautiful letters of love and gratitude. Highly recommended.
The site was created by two friends, Jacquelyn Fletcher and Erin Erickson.
Jacquelyn B. Fletcher is a stepmother of three children and mother of one. She is also the author of A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom (HarperCollins, 2007) and the publisher of the blog www.becomingastepmom.com.
Erin Erickson is a stepmother to two children and writer of The Erin Experiment, a personal blog. She is also the creator of Stepchicks, an online community for stepmothers and soon-to-be stepmothers.
Stop by and check it out. And maybe post a few letters of your own!
© 2008 Jennifer Newcomb Marine All Rights Reserved
The site is sad for me because so far it emphasizes the “step” relationships in stepfamilies. A stepfamily includes relationships like biological parents and kids who, as a result of being in a stepfamily, have a different relationship than they have in an intact family. No one seems to address this. Also, as a biomom, I can’t help but notice that there are no letters that biomoms write, and all the letters to biomoms are hateful letters from stepmoms.
It just seems like another site for stepfamilies where biomoms are painted in the worst light…but why is this so? Is it true that in stepfamily situations that biomoms overwhelmingly commit the most and the worst of the offenses?
Yup, it is true. I’m not saying that step-moms never act inappropriately, or do things the biomom disagrees with, but biomoms do commit the worst offense. They use a biologically determined relationship to manipulate their children, a relationship the children have no choice but to participate in. So even if a stepmom commits offense A, and biomom commits the same offense A, biomom’s offense is 100 times worse. A child can choose to have any type of relationship with a step-mom – there are no court orders or feelings of “no matter what she does, she’s my mother, so I have to love her”. Biomoms take advantage of this to commit the worst emotional crimes against their children in the name of “motherhood”. And it sickens the soul of anyone that has to stand by and watch it.
I have to say that I have tried to stare clear of the bio-mom because as of today she isn’t looking to have it be a fair situation. I am not trying to sound bias but if she was looking for a fair situation and not revenge it’s pretty clear to me as a bystander that she would need to work with her ex husband, no try to nickel and dime a guy who works very hard to be with his child as much as possible while she goes out. I try to put myself in her position, her ex husband who moved on and your “stuck” taking care of the kids and trying to stay a float financial with kids. I see all the mean things because my boyfriend tells me, I also know what he does out of frustration and defensive to her crazy requests. She even tries very hard to get his attention but say “what should I do I bumped my head” when she is very high up in the healthcare profession. I feel bad and have tried to reach out to her when she makes treats to her exmother in law about what she is going to next to her ex husband. It’s sad that the kids are not the focus, they are always late to school with her and very poor hygene. The home is not kept up for the kids health and she takes advantage of anyone to babysit the kids, granted she has a clinical mental issue. It’s tiring to watch, live and listen to what she finds acceptable to be a good person, I try not to judge, we all have faults.