Whadya know: being wrong feels like being right!


One subject that we talk a lot about here is how difficult it can be to see the other person’s perspective. And because you can’t see it, you end up digging in your heels in a difficult situation, attributing intentions to them that may be wildly off the mark and stoking your own emotional fires. […]

Mother’s Day vs. Stepmother’s Day? We celebrate you all!

flowers for both stepmoms and divorced moms

As most of us know, this Sunday is Mother’s Day. And then… one week later, it’s Stepmother’s Day. But rather than put up one post this weekend and then… another one next week… we’d like to take this opportunity to salute, in Sandra Bullock’s words, “All the moms that take care of the babies and […]

Are You Placing Too Much Value On the Divorced Mom Or Stepmom In Your Life?


For those of you who are having trouble letting go of the stepmom or divorced mom in your life, this is for you. Do you find yourself obsessing about her? Stepmoms, are you feeling the need to show up at every event she’s going to be at so you can “monitor” her behavior? Afraid she’ll […]

Repost: No One’s the Bitch – A Primer

Lone surfer at Morro Rock - Big wave day in Morro Bay, CA, 08 No

What are we shooting for here? How can we help you? Our best-selling book – and this site – focuses on how to create a better relationship between ex-wives and stepmoms, or, in other words, traditional enemies. We’re unique in that our perspective is informed by BOTH sides – a divorced mom and a stepmom. The […]

Inspirational Quotes To Motivate and Comfort You


  “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” – Maria Robinson “We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.” – Ian Percy “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at […]

Top 10 Best Things About Being a Stepmom


There are probably 100 reasons why the most common words out of a stepmom’s mouth are “this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” But why focus on the negative? Here’s a countdown of the top 10 BEST things about being a stepmom! 10. You get to have kids AND keep your kickin’ body. No […]

One-Way Compassion


Many problems between houses start because someone is actually trying to solve a problem. A father desperately misses his kids. A stepmom is trying to find her place in a family with lots of history that came before her. A mom feels disoriented, sharing parental responsibilities with someone she doesn’t know. People struggle with their […]

Are you ready to release her? When to say “when!”


(Register now for Jenna’s August Stepmom Bootcamp!) How much energy are you spending on the other woman? How often during the day do you think about her? Have you googled her lately? Complained about her latest antics to your friends? Your husband? Anyone who will listen? And  how does it feel to be consumed with trying […]

NOTB Book #2 – Here We Come!


(Join Jenna for Stepmom Bootcamp!) I just got the go-ahead from my agent this weekend for an NOTB follow-up! The book is tentatively titled, “No One’s the Bitch SUCCESS: What Worked and How to Do More of It – Even If She Doesn’t Change.” I’ve learned a lot over the years since writing the first […]

Meet July’s peace pioneer: Katie Potter


Welcome to our monthly feature, where one of  YOU shares your story with fellow moms and stepmoms. Let’s welcome, stepmom and soon-to-be-mom, Katie Potter! NOTB: When your situation was at its worst, what was that like for you? Katie: It was so horribly stressful. (I just didn’t realize how much at the time!) It felt […]

The missing link (a new direction)

thriving despite some challenges

Ever just get tired of talking about all the problems and conflict and drama between ex-wives and stepmoms? Between the two households? So do we. Although we’re strongly committed to helping women “deal” with the conflict between divorced moms and stepmoms, we realized something big this past weekend when we met up. There’s something hugely […]

I’m done trying to make peace with the other woman. Now what?

Photo credit: nuttakit

  Some of you have already done this, and some of you are considering it. You’ve reached a point in your life where, for whatever reason, you’ve decided to take a break from trying to make it work with the stepmom or ex-wife. You’ve taken back your olive branch and tucked it away for safe […]

Stepmoms, is it time for you step back?

Photo credit: Idea go

Many stepmoms enter into their new family, and before they know it — without warning — find themselves providing transportation for the kiddies, cooking for the family after a long day of work, making sure homework gets done, dealing with their husband’s ex, and doing many other energy-draining tasks. Unfortunately, when they come up for […]

Are we sabotaging ourselves?


Credit: anankkml The other day, during our webinar with the super insightful publisher of Stepmom Magazine, Brenda Ockun, she said something that struck me. Something that I would like to shout from the mountain tops and that I wish someone had told me 3 years ago: If you and the other woman can’t have a […]

Why we created our new Member’s Community


We are standing at the edge of an unexplored frontier in family relationships… and we have an unprecedented opportunity to create a new paradigm for our children that heals the damage of divorce. And did you know that, according to the census, only a child’s primary residence counts as a stepfamily, even if they live […]

Confessions of a(n enlightened) stepmom


I consider myself pretty successful in my transition from single girl to stepmom and I’ve always had the best of intentions when it came to my husband’s ex-wife. And yet, I’ve made some moves that seemed right at the time, but weren’t. Here’s one of them: I won’t get into the details for privacy’s sake, […]

A new voice on the blog!


Happy New Year and farewell to 2010! I am thrilled to introduce a new direction for the new year – a new blogging and workshop partner! Jenna Korf and I have corresponded over the last several years and have finally found a way to work together. She’ll be doing some guest posts here, we’ll try […]

Happy holidays!

Happy holidays to all of our friends, far and wide! Here’s a little festive video for you from Freiburg, Germany. Winter in Freiburg (Tilt-Shift-Video) from felixio on Vimeo.

Could you SPEAK to the ex-wives of America?!


Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith were on Oprah today with their children—ALONG WITH HIS EX-WIFE. Fascinating stuff. Will was married to Sheree Zampino for four years (1992-95) and they have a 17 year-old son named Trey. She is now married to former San Diego Chargers player, Pastor Terrell Fletcher. Will and Jada also have […]

The moms that take care of the babies


Last night, stepmom Sandra Bullock won an Oscar for Best Actress. I was thrilled, not only because she’s just so damned likable and has lived here in Austin, but also because of what she said about the message behind her movie AND the important job that stepmoms around the world do every day–many times without […]

Book Review: Keeping Kids Out of the Middle

Imagine if children young and old could speak in keen, poignant words about how parental conflict affects them – in terms that adults would not only understand, but get their attention as well. Then imagine that those words have been channeled into a book by a child psychologist who’s surely put in his years consoling […]

Looking back at the ugly times between us…


I am working like a fiend on this book and feel like an athlete that’s training, or actually, make that running a marathon. I’ve never written at this pace in my life! Last week, the focus was on a chapter called Own Your Own Crap. (Tt was “Shit”, but we changed it to “Crap” for […]

Top Ten Reasons to Not Even Bother Trying to Get Along with the Stepmom or Ex-wife

Too often our coping strategy for the stresses of dealing with an ex-wife or stepmom revolves around… waiting it out. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re hoping to eventually gain the upper hand and then — once you do — well, it’ll be a cold day in hell before anyone will ever wrench […]

Staying Connected with Your KIds When They Live at the Other House

bonding with your children after divorce

My youngest daughter is living with her dad and stepmom now and I often miss her. While it makes me happy to know that she’s thriving there (and at almost 13, that’s quite a feat!), I still can’t quite get used to her room being empty most of the time and not having her snooping […]

The Guilty Pleasure of Gossip


Gossip always comes back to bite you in the ass. And with stepmothers and ex-wives in particular, there seems to be plenty of it to go around. Think about it. The set-up is perfect. You’re probably privy to the odd personal detail about each other, and yet, if you’re like most women in this situation, […]

Babysitting My Ex-Husband’s Son for the Weekend

babysitting my ex-husband's son

This weekend I did something kind
 of weird, only in the sense that it doesn’t happen very often around the world,
 as far as I know…. I babysat David and
 Carol’s 3-year old son, Jacob from Friday morning ’til Sunday afternoon. They went
 out of town for a well-deserved break (alone! first time since he […]

Balls in the Air – Dating as a Single Mother

divorced moms and dating

Dating while you’re a single mother can be quite the balancing act. If you’ve never done it before and find yourself dipping toes into dating waters for the first time, you may wonder how anyone manages to juggle it.  If dating is old hat, you know of which I speak.  You may find yourself looking […]

Focusing on What Works or On Perpetual Problems

stepmoms and divorced moms thriving

It’s so easy to focus on what’s wrong in our lives. My ex-husband David told me about an interesting theory a few days ago: our cave-man brains are so used to honing in on what’s incomplete, what needs to be done, that vague sense of “not enough, not enough” as an once-useful, but now outdated […]

How an Ex-wife and Stepmom Stopped Hating Each Other – Our Story


It’s all well and good to read here about our wonderful, happy blended family, or about other harmonious ex-wife/stepmother teams at equally brilliant, literate, incisive sites. But what if you really are struggling mightily with the stepmother or ex-wife in your life? What if you honestly, truly just CAN’T STAND the woman! Is “hate” too […]

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conflict or harmony for divorced moms and stepmoms

Why does it even matter if you get along with the stepmom or ex-wife in your life? Can’t you just go through the rest of the days, weeks, and years (that you’ve got the kids), leaving things as they are? Your motivation to improve your relationship is even lower if things are bad between you.  Like […]

Carol and Jen Photo Session

This is us together… Our sunset “golden hour” was more like the gloomy gray-hour, weather-wise.  Here’s what we came up with (Jennifer’s on the left, Carol’s on the right): We had a lot of fun and it was nowhere near as painful as we were expecting it to be….  Thanks to David Marine for being […]

Which house would you rather live in?


Consider two homes…. Same potential people. Totally different outcomes. Stomach-knotting relationship #1: The mother is running around, yelling at the kids to get their things ready, taking her anger at the stepmother out on her kids. She’s stressed because the house is a wreck after homework and school projects, too much to do at work […]

Our Logo, or… One Mission, Two Cups

No One's the Bitch logo - by Carol Marine

Believe me, the irony of where I was and with whom was not lost on me. The last time I’d been here was about 17 yrs. ago when I was dating my ex-husband. Now, I was here with Carol, his wife, and their almost two year-old son, J. We were on a mission: find a […]

The Beginning, or… A Moment of Pause in the Wind Tunnel


So half the dog and pony show would be leaving the building. Fine. I could regroup — always do. Piece of cake, no problem. I stifled a rising sense of panic as I explained my dilemma by phone to my good friend Kim Lane (writer and publisher extraordinaire of AustinMama.com). Moments before, I had rewritten […]