By Kat Kernohan
It’s easy to dismiss a stepmom or divorced mom we are in conflict with as simply being a ‘bitch.’
In one simple word, we can shift all of the blame and responsibility for the conflict situation on to them – because they are the one at fault, they are the bitch.
The irony is, of course, that mom or stepmom is probably busy calling us the same thing and laying the blame entirely upon our shoulders, also letting themselves off the hook!
So what we are left with is two people, completely abdicating responsibility for a situation because of a label.
What a powerful word!!
Isn’t it incredible, that just by invoking the word bitch, we can set aside all conscious thought of whether our actions and thoughts are reasonable, balanced or even remotely fair! By labelling the other party, we KNOW that by default, she is unreasonable, unbalanced and definitely unfair.
How is this working for us?
Does that dynamic assist us in resolving our conflicts — or does it serve to entrench us more deeply in our positions and shore up our assumptions that we are right and the other is wrong?
If we were to explain to someone why we weren’t the bitch – how would that go?
Would we carefully explain that we are simply acting out of concern for those around us, that we truly believe our actions are in the best interests of our children/colleague/spouse or whomever we are defending – and ‘getting our bitch on’ for?
Is that really so different from what the person we have labelled is doing?
If we look inside our hearts, do we really think that person’s sole aim in life, their major objective, is to make us miserable? Or can we shift outside of our own reality for a moment and acknowledge that the reasoning behind their actions is probably very similar to ours?
We want to defend and nurture those we have responsibility for and love. When we see someone acting in a way that we perceive threatens that, we often react – sometimes aggressively; sometimes without any thought of where the other person is coming from.
Very often, the agendas of both parties will be similar; it’s just how those agendas manifest that is in conflict.
So how about next time we leap to the conclusion that someone in our lives is a bitch – we take a step back. We ask ourselves what we think it is they want, what is behind their perceived bitchiness? Are they simply trying to protect them and theirs? Is your agenda being perceived as a threat to their world and those they love?
If we are able to take a moment and give the other person some credit for being a caring human being with their own integrity, we may find that they are not the bitch we thought they were, they are simply someone like us – doing the best they can, for the ones they love.
© 2012 Kat Kernohan All Rights Reserved
Kat Kernohan is mum to 7 kids, a gorgeous mix of his and hers aged 19 to 3. She escaped to rural life with her new man, and together they do their best to help their great kids grow into fabulous adults. She writes under a pseudonym (Life Aligning – coming soon!), as she figures her kids have enough to deal with living in their crazy family, without everyone they know being able to read about it too.