There seems to be an epidemic of stepmoms divorcing. I don’t know the details of every situation, but it’s a pretty good guess that their husbands did not step up and support them.
Experts agree that the marriage needs to be the primary relationship. If your husband doesn’t realize this, you have a high chance of being one of those 60-70% of second marriages that end in divorce.
Does that mean you’re more important than the kids? Of course not. But it means that when the kids are behaving badly, disrespecting you or making life miserable, your husband needs to step in and set things straight.
That might mean enforcing discipline he never has before (ahem…Disneyland dads) or showing his kids the proper way to treat you. It might mean doing more around the house. Or it might mean simply listening to you.
As a man, your husband’s job is to provide for and protect you. In fact, he’s compelled to do this. And even though, intellectually, women know they don’t need a man for that anymore, our instincts tell us we do.
We feel it in our bones when we’re not being protected. It feels life-threatening.
We get anxious, scared and then angry. It’s a pretty awful feeling.
A woman needs to know that she’s safe. And she attains that feeling when her husband listens to her needs and does what he can to meet them.
If he lets the kids (or the ex) rule the roost, there will be a breakdown between you and your husband as trust is lost and the bond between you is weakened. Not to mention the awful lessons he’s teaching the kids.
Now stepmoms, you’re not off the hook here. There IS a right way and a wrong way to talk to men; to ask for what you need. (Feel free to contact me for a lesson in communicating with men)
Where do you fit in this scenerio? Is your husband stepping up to the plate or does he need some guidance in this area?
To learn more about understanding men, join Jenna for her Insights Into Men workshop.
© 2011 Jenna Korf All Rights Reserved
- How I survived this stepfamily stuff Part 2
- Six secrets to communicating with men
- How to deal with a defensive person
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