Repost: No One’s the Bitch – A Primer

What are we shooting for here? How can we help you?

Our best-selling book – and this site – focuses on how to create a better relationship between ex-wives and stepmoms, or, in other words, traditional enemies.

We’re unique in that our perspective is informed by BOTH sides – a divorced mom and a stepmom. The book was co-written by Jennifer Newcomb Marine (the mom/ex-wife) and Carol Marine (the stepmom/2nd wife). In December of 2010, Jennifer and stepmom coach Jenna Korf teamed up as Carol continued to focus full-time on her painting career.

Our site fills a vital niche in the world of divorce and remarriage. There are plenty of books and sites that address the fears and concerns of divorced moms OR stepmoms, but they usually focus on one perspective or the other. Some of them are excellent and we consider them our cohorts in this brave, new world of reconstituted family relationships.

Others…  Well, let’s just say some of these folks might feel perfectly at home on a firing range.

Backstory

This project was born out of personal necessity. About ten years ago now, Carol and Jennifer were living this situation in all its tension-wracked glory.

But through trial and error, and sometimes with comical missteps, we went from bristling in each others’ presence, to becoming close friends and parenting cohorts. We have a shared bank account and consistent rules and consequences between houses.

We knew there were probably lots of other folks who could also use help with their divorce-connected family journey, because when WE needed help, there was nothing out there.

And so here we are….

Core Values

There are some key principles we try to live by here at NOTB:

Personal Accountability

This means you own your contribution to the conflict (otherwise known as owning your shit); including ways your ego might be enjoying the drama or passively-aggressively setting the stage for more.

We challenge you to hold BOTH perspectives in your mind at the same time – not always an easy task.

Most of all, we encourage you to tell the truth. If you fudge the story with others, you’re likely doing it with yourself too.

Lies equal victimhood.

And our readers are not victims!

Community and Support

We’re here to help each other.

You’ll find an amazingly collaborative group of women here, willing to reveal their vulnerabilities and brainstorm the solutions to your problems — all in the service of saner women and cheaper therapy bills for our kids in the future.

Our public and private Facebook communities are always hoppin’. You can post questions there and get answers from both sides. Where else can you find that? Many women are surprised at how much they can relate to “the other woman.”

Our private member’s community provides a more protected environment to bond with moms and stepmoms and coming soon, we’ll be offering a special opportunity for you to help us write out next book in our NOTB Test Kitchen.

Continual Growth and Learning

We’re all about sharpening our skills and resources. We learn from you and hopefully, you’re learning from us.

We emphasize creativity, collaboration and compassion here. And it’s heartening to see people making both breakthroughs and incremental changes that have them breathing a sigh of relief.

Humor

Face it, this shit is hard sometimes!

We’re all the ones at the front of the line, wading through the swamp, pushing past fear, confusion and the feeling that we’ve wandered deep into No Man’s Land.

We’re cultural pioneers, revolutionaries, figuring it out as we go along. And for that reason, we NEED each other!

Once you see how hard these divorce-connected relationships are for each person, you can start to depersonalize mind-boggling, hurtful behavior.

And that’s when you start to feel like there’s hope for your situation — and for all of us.

Resources

While you’re here, it might be helpful to know that we have on tap:

Video and interviews - video snippets, radio interviews, Carol and Jen, Jen and Jenna, just Jen. Lotsa “J’s” huh? We get confused too.

200+ articles - these run the range from in-depth comprehensive posts to guest posts and interviews.

Facebook pages - as mentioned, you’ll always find someone to gab with here. Ask a question, get it answered. (But remember, the fan page is public, so post accordingly. Membership is the private group is by request only and is moderated)

Member’s Community - a private forum where you can meet and get to know your comrades in arms. Expanded plans for this coming soon.

Coaching - Jenna is available for additional one-on-one help.

Where We’re Headed

We want to change the world — or at least our little corner of it.

We want to put these ideas on the map of family relationships.

Sure, we want people to know it’s not only possible for ex-wives and stepmoms to get along, there are some amazing benefits available to them if they’re willing to buck the traditional animosity that’s expected of them.

More stable second marriages (and step-families need all the help they can get, with a 73% divorce rate). Co-parenting partners, instead of feeling like the two sides are divided and working against each other.

Less stress.

Deeper breaths.

But if partnering with the other side seems impossible, then we advocate turning your focus back to nurturing your family and yourself.

Doing so will compartmentalize the pain that comes from feeling like someone’s out to get you and prevent that seesaw of obsession that can drive many a woman to drink in the afternoon.

Most importantly, our goal is to create happier children who feel protected and supported on all sides by a cohesive family nest.

We’re on the threshold of transforming the damage of divorce by re-inventing the new American extended family.

We hope you’ll join us!

 

(New here? Join our no-cost, private member’s community for some unique tools and hands-on support. Subscribe to our RSS Feed or via email. Follow us on Facebook or Twitter and check out excerpts from our book or audio book.)

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