Divorced Moms and Stepmoms: We’re Not That Different

We’re all women.

We all struggle.

We’ve all had thoughts and feeling we wish we didn’t.

We’re all in situations we wish we could change.

We’re similar in so many ways, yet we continue to be separate.

Mom has to struggle knowing her children are part of another family, one that doesn’t include her. This is not how she imagined her future when she was giving birth.

She has to see a man she once loved, loving someone else. Probably loving them better than he loved her.

Stepmom has to struggle with trying to be part of a pre-established family. She has to struggle with the another woman seemingly trying to undermine her at every opportunity. Perhaps stepkids who wish she would disappear.

We experience a lot of the same internal chaos: Anger, sadness, resentment, helplessness and hopelessness.  Just in different ways and for different reasons.

To each of us, our struggle is harder…yet another thing we have in common.

Sometimes it’s easier to see the differences; less painful. But if you can bear to look at the similarities, you just might feel something change.

© 2011 Jenna Korf      All Rights Reserved

(photo credit: now and zen photography)

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  1. Love this <3

  2. The mirror is much harder to hold…

  3. I wish I could send this to someone!!!

  4. Too true! I’d been planning a similar post, which I’ll still write but I’ll refer back to you.

  5. Becoming a stepmom by marrying a man with three children has been the greatest challenge of my life. If I knew then what I know now… I had two daughters of my own when my husband and I blended our brood five years ago. We had our struggles, especially my oldest daughter who has a hard time adapting to change. Having kids of my own was hard for me because I had to witness their pain and struggles. But is was easier in some aspects because I didn’t let the slights from my step kids bother me so much because I had the love and affection of my own children. Plus I understood how my step kids were feeling because of what my kids were going through. I can only imagine how hard the process must be for a stepmom without children of her own.

  6. Leah Jarrell says:

    I am the stepmom to 3 children 10, 14 and 16. I have been in their lives for almost 8 years. My husband and his family didn’t have anything good to say about his ex. I tried to keep an open mind about her. I have no children of my own. I am a teacher and a nurse practitioner. I have definite beliefs about what a mother should be. My husband’s ex is the antithesis of everything I am and I believe. My husband and I provide everything for the children and we do almost everything for them. We alternate weeks with the youngest two and have the older one all the time. His ex continuously undermines all that I do. There is not telling where the children would be if it wasn’t for me. I am so tired of being told that I am not the biological parent, when I have more education, more money and more insight regarding the children. Based on the things the ex has or has not done over the years, I don’t even think she loves the children, just needs them for the child support. This has been the most frustrating thing I have ever faced in my life. I try to keep the peace for the children’s sake, but everything about the woman is a fraud.

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