There are plenty of divorced mom and stepmom “couples,” trying to make it.
Hoping to find a way, at the very least, to be cordial to each other.
Maybe even friendly. Peaceful.
But this relationship is tricky at best. Just when you think you’ve made some progress, a rude comment or accusation comes out of left field and slaps you in the face.
We have a few mom/stepmom couples on our Facebook page attempting to conquer this mountain, right before our very eyes. I commend them for having the cajones to put themselves out there, for the world to see, all in the name of finding peace with the other woman.
What’s it like to attempt this publicly?
On the one hand, these women get a chance to hear objective perspectives.
They get to work through real-time issues with the help of their peers; smart, caring women who have no other investment in the relationship other than wanting to see a win for the mom/stepmom team.
They’re offered insights they may not have come to on their own.
On the other hand, the difficulty with doing this publicly is that you want to get it right.
Suddenly there’s pressure to be perfect and kind.
If you have a problem with what the other woman said, you want to honor your truth and speak up about it, but you don’t want to look like a douche.
And you certainly don’t want to piss off the other woman. Not when you’ve come so far.
It’s a tough balance.
What I want to tell all women who are holding on to that olive branch for dear life, is this:
Whether you’re trying to make peace publicly, or in the privacy of your own life, you will have setbacks, but you are not defeated.
Every relationship has setbacks. Many of you will take twice as many steps backwards as you do forwards. It’s just the nature of this beast.
But a setback doesn’t invalidate all the work you’ve done up to that point.
It doesn’t mean everything was a lie or that there’s no hope for you.
It just means there’s more work to be done.
And if you’re feeling worn from the all the effort, take a breather.
There’s no timeline you need to stick to. Ignore the voice in your head telling you to get it right, NOW.
Give yourself a break.
Then when you’re ready, put one foot in front of the other, again.
© 2011 Jenna Korf All Rights Reserved
(Photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net)
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