Top 10 Best Things About Being a Stepmom

There are probably 100 reasons why the most common words out of a stepmom’s mouth are “this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

But why focus on the negative?

Here’s a countdown of the top 10 BEST things about being a stepmom!

10. You get to have kids AND keep your kickin’ body. No stretch marks or saggy boobs here!


9. You get to deflect blame. When you’re out with your stepchildren and they decide to throw a loud, embarrassing fit, you can stare back at the crowd and with a clear conscience say “Oh, they’re not mine!”

8. You get to have “behind-the-scenes” influence. You get to co-parent with your husband behind closed doors, then sit back while he dishes out the discipline. What evil stepmom?

7. You’re growing as a person. Anytime you’re faced with something challenging, you can’t help but learn and grow from it. What have you learned? How have you grown?

6. You get to watch your husband be in awe of his offspring. One of the sweetest things is to see the man you love fill with pride over his children. You get to sit back and listen intently while he shares his thoughts, hopes and plans for their future.

5. You can go from outsider to instant insider. There comes a time when you go from being a stranger to being part of the family. This can show up in a million different ways. It could be with a first hug, or when the kids finally decide to talk to you, or when you walk in the door and your stepson yells “Hurry up! Look what I made in school today!”

It’s an inclusion that wasn’t there the day before, and there’s nothing quite like it.

4. You’re not their parent. Instead, you’re a safe place for them to open up about things they might not want to share with their parents. This could be good or it could be bad, but either way it lets you know you’re special to them.

3. You can heal a family. Sometimes it takes an outsider to break the pattern of the family drama. You can provide your husband and your stepchildren with a new way of being that they otherwise might not have experienced.

This also gives the kids an opportunity to witness what a healthy, adult relationship looks like.  And with that vision, when they grow up, maybe they’ll seek out nurturing relationships, where the dynamic is supportive and reciprocal, instead of what they might have witnessed when their parents were together.

2. You get to walk away. When the kids are throwing attitude, acting ungrateful or just plain mean, you have the option of walking away. When YOU’RE the one with the bad day and can’t bear to be surrounded by kids, you get to take a time out.

Many stepmoms don’t take advantage of this option for fear of appearing “separate” from their stepfamily, or because they feel too much guilt. They end up burnt out because they don’t remove themselves when they desperately need to.

But the fact remains, as a stepmom, you can tell your husband it’s all on him and you’re taking the night off! I suggest every stepmom exercise this option at least once every two weeks.

And the number one best thing about being a stepmom is…

1. You’re loved for just being YOU. You have an opportunity to be loved by the kids, simply for who you are, not because you gave birth to them. Now how freakin’ cool is that?

Did I miss one? Feel free to share!

© 2011 Jenna Korf    All Rights Reserved

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  1. Agree, agree, agree! There are some great perks to being a stepmom! I especially have seen (in my own situation) my stepdaughter come to me and confide in me things that she’s told me she could never go to her mother with. She trusts me. I have the unique opportunity to be much closer to my stepdaughter, I get to be ‘friends’ with her, where her mother needs to be the parent. I get to help guide her and teach about life her as she grows up. I love that! And my husband and I have a wonderful, happy marriage…both of my stepkids get to grow up seeing first hand what a happy marriage is like when two people actually love each other and want to be around each other. They get to see the laughter, love and closeness that should be in a marriage, but wasn’t in their parent’s marriage. They see their dad wrap his arms around me while I make dinner… my stepdaughter is so cute, she’ll even come up and try to weasel her way into the embrace… and we let her! They see that their father is happy. I love that we encourage both of the kids to branch out and try new things instead of being stuck in the rut of “my mother only eats this kind of food, so I only eat this kind of food too” (we’re breaking them of the picky eating bad habits). Come to find out, they ‘really’ like food other than just cheese pizza! And then there is always the perk of having the best of both worlds…. we are a happy family unit with the kids, but then my husband and I also get to live a normal ‘adult’ life where we go out, stay up late if we want to and don’t have to be “parents” all the time. I’ve got to say, I love that part!

  2. Thanks for sharing, CKsmom! It really IS wonderful, all the additional perks you bring to their lives. You’re helping carve their lives for the better. Pretty frickin’ amazing, if you ask me

  3. beachhokie says:

    Jenna ~ you are absolutely right :)

  4. I LOVE this list!!!
    Numbers 1 & 2 made me laugh out loud! When my stepson is getting out of hand, I look at my husband and shake my head and say, Not my genes.
    Number 5 ::sigh:: I remember the first time my stepson said, “You’re not my mom.” But I will never, ever forget the first time he told me he loves me because I take good care of him.
    And I really needed to hear number 10. Just last week I said to my husband, you don’t understand, you have built in love, unconditional. His response was, but he loves you for you, not because you’re one of his parents.
    Thank you so much for this afternoon pick-me-up! Printing it out right now!!

  5. Oh crap, I numbered them wrong in my comments!
    Numbers 1& 2 are referring to 10 & 9!!!
    And number 10 is really number 1!
    Oops! ::head in the clouds today::


  6. #3 made brought tears to my eyes. I don’t think SMs realize how much healing they do. I don’t. I never thought of it like that.

  7. Michelle, I’m glad it really spoke it to you :) I find these reminders are good every now and then! And your husby sounds very wise :)

    Jessica, yep, we’re healers! My husband told me so, and I see it all the time :)

  8. Thank you for writing this. Well said. I love it. I printed it out to keep in my purse as a reminder when the going gets tough. I look forward to the blog article every day. It’s like my little piece of ‘religion’ for the day. I have already shared it with 2 fellow stepmoms. I love this community. Thank you for all you do for us! I have shared your good work with anyone that listens and they pride me on my new positive attitude and outlook. I swear it’s catchy! I’m going to make a positive difference, thanks to you.

  9. Aww, Amyleigh, I’m so glad these blog posts help bring positivity to your life. And you’re right, it’s contagious!

    Thanks for all of your support and for helping us spread the love!

  10. That was awesome! I need to re-read these a few times. Thank you.

  11. My favorite is number 9!!! I even read this to my SS’s and they laughed at number 9!

    And number 3…..I truly do hope that all three of them end up in a relationship like their father and I have.

  12. Number 1 I think is what most step-moms work so hard for. I don’t want to take the love they have for their mom away. I want them to love me as their step-mom, someone who has come to love them and care about their well-being. I know that if they do feel just a tiny bit of love towards me that they will never admit it because of fear of betraying their mother. I think I am okay with that. I just hope that they understand or eventually do that most of everything I do is for them. I want our family to work for them and the two siblings their father and I had together, they are all important just the same.

  13. That is an awesome list. Course, being a bio mum as well, i still have the ugly scars :P

  14. I got #5 and #1 all in one. My SS is very much a “daddy’s boy” (even at nine months), and the first time he wanted me to hold him instead of daddy, my heart melted. I had finally become someone that SS can turn to for support. It made my day, my week, and my month!

  15. Just one to add to the list…
    Weekends off! We LOVE our weekends with my stepson, but having every other weekend off gives us some nice “adults only” time spent with fun nights out, mini-vacations, and much needed time to sleep in!
    Keeps our relationship fun :)

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