Are you ready to release her? When to say “when!”

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How much energy are you spending on the other woman?

How often during the day do you think about her?

Have you googled her lately? Complained about her latest antics to your friends? Your husband? Anyone who will listen?

And  how does it feel to be consumed with trying to put her down/appease her/be what she wants you to be/defending yourself against her accusations?

What has that done to you? Who has it turned you into? Do you even recognize yourself?

Are you tired of it yet?

It’s time to end your suffering.

I propose, right here, right now, you make a declaration.

Repeat after me. “I hereby vow, to the best of my ability, to no longer spend my precious energy thinking/worry/stressing about the other woman.”

This will include complaining about the little things, wishing she was different, reliving past offenses, dreading future interactions, etc…

Because really, whether you’re worrying about it or not, she’s going to do what she’s going to do. Remember, there’s no controlling her.

The best you can do is protect yourself with firm boundaries and turn your focus back on yourself and your family.

Here’s how you begin: Try to catch yourself every time you think about her. Immediately stop yourself. Then, quietly, to yourself, wish her health, wealth and happiness. (yes, seriously!)

Notice how much calmer you already feel?

Now turn your focus inward. Repeat something soothing to yourself.

Think about how wonderful your life is right now, or what you’re going to do to make it better.

Think about the areas in your life where you feel powerful.  What a great future is waiting for you.  Think about your booming career or the path you’re on to follow your calling. Friends? Children? Marriage? Fun times? All of it.

Consume yourself with the GOOD STUFF!

If the other woman is just draining your battery, put her aside. Boundaries will help you keep her out so you can focus on your priorities, such as your marriage and/or children!

So, who’s in?

© 2011 Jenna Korf    All Rights Reserved

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Comments

  1. I want in. I will try… I will try…

  2. Julie, glad you’re in! I know it can be a struggle. Some days will be easier than others. Hell, some MINUTES will be easier than others ;).

  3. I want in! Although I confess when I read the sentence “Then, quietly, to yourself, wish her health, wealth and happiness.” I quickly sat up really straight in my chair as if I’d been startled, cocked my head to the side in a confused manner and said out loud to myself “whaaaaat??” lol. I know I did this because I have a lot of animosity towards TM for things she’s done to me, my husband and SD. Hard to imagine me wishing someone I feel badly about all those wonderful things, but I know I should!! So I’m in, I’ll definitely try it. Although the 1st few times I say it I’ll feel like I’m fibbing to myself, but maybe eventually I’ll mean it.

  4. Haha, yes Kris, I get it, you’re thinking “why in the world would I wish her all that good fortune?” I’m interested to hear how you feel when you DO practice it. For me, it’s a HUGE weight lifted, like I’m releasing her from having any control or pull over me and I’m sending good vibes out there. I’m a decent person and regardless of how someone treats me, I don’t wish them harm. So wishing her those good thoughts is just putting that good *energy* into practice. Not to mention, if she’s healthy, wealthy and happy, maybe she’ll leave you alone ;)

  5. Oh wow, not sure about this, but I promise to try!

  6. I’m really trying to do this. I need to save my own sanity! Eventually I’ll mean it, right???

  7. Thanks Jenna for being an inspiration to so many.

  8. You’re welcome, Lynn! :)

  9. How do you create boundaries that the other will respect in today’s world of technology? I would loooovvee the keep boundaries, but as soon as something sets her off, she’s raining down hate on my phone via text and my email. And she will say, flat out, that she doesn’t want to talk about it, she just wants to “put me in my place”. *shudder* I know I could get a no-contact order, but I feel like that would make things MORE difficult for my husband when the kiddo is here instead of overall better. (He works evenings, and I am with the kiddo then, so when she calls to talk to the little one, she usually calls my phone, therefore…) We want to be cooperative and leave lines of communication open in case she does come around, but how to do you do that AND take care of yourself in the face of irrational anger and constant harassment? Advice?

  10. Taryn, I would definitely look into a communication restraining order. You can place an exception in it that says the only communication that is allowed is “brief and friendly communication around logistics of court ordered visitation.” If she can’t stop harassing you, that’s what I would do. You can also place a “rule” in your email to say “If the email is from….then send to….” and you choose a designated folder for the email to go into, so it doesn’t end up in your inbox. Even in the communication age, there ARE ways to enforce boundaries. :)

  11. Thanks for that. I didn’t realize you could create stipulations like that in there. And yes, perfect email idea!

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