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I took my two big dogs for a walk down at the greenbelt for the first time the other morning.
I had to admit, I was nervous.
New retractable leash. A German Shepherd (Lucy, almost 12, still going strong) who’s rarely, but nevertheless potentially fearful and aggressive. A Siberian Husky (Maya, 6, quirky and stubborn) who could easily pull an SUV or two.
We’re walking down the trail, it’s still cool. Light is filtering through the trees. Birds are singing. Random forest noises abound.
Coming towards us on the path ahead of us, a tall, blond woman and her two dogs are approaching.
Her dogs aren’t on a leash and they’re big too.
Her dogs run straight up to mine while I’m trying to yell to her that I have an unfriendly dog.
Lucy lunges. Maya pulls and my hand burns as I grab the thin wire of her new leash. Lucy and one of the other dogs begin to fight while I’m yelling my head off to stop them.
My two dogs become entangled. Chaos.
The other woman says nothing!
Abruptly, her two dogs simply take off down the path. She passes us and I stand there, baffled.
Not a word. No Sorry, no Excuse Me. Nada.
I punctuate the air with an expletive of frustration as she’s walking away.
Then, my irritation growing as I see her back turned towards us, I yell, “You might want to think about putting your dogs on a leash next time!”
To which she yells back, “You might want to think about controlling your dogs!”
We go back and forth a few more times, with her lying to me about the leash laws. Her last words are for me to shut the **** up.
I was rattled the entire rest of the walk and had a hard time letting the experience go; returning back to the moment; being there, in the woods, enjoying the present with my dogs.
I am embarrassed that I yelled at a perfect stranger, but I’m also still pissed that she was so blase about our little confrontation – one which could have resulted in an injured dog or two.
Many of you are understandably irritated with the behavior of the mom or stepmom. With your ex, your husband, or your stepkids or kids.
You can point the finger at particular actions and say, “This. Should never have happened.”
Friends and family will back you up.
You add your grievance to the list, knowing you’re in the right.
But… what could have turned the tide that morning was my foundation.
Had I felt like my “normal” self that day: confident with the dogs, with a mental plan ready for how I was going to handle passersby and loose dogs and road bikers — stepping off the trail, holding them close to me — it might have been a different story.
My foundation was off.
Yet I still pushed myself to go, because the dogs needed a walk and I was pressuring myself to try something new.
And when things went awry, I blamed the entire experience on the other woman and her dogs — big, slobbery, happy fellows who nevertheless shouldn’t have run right up to us.
It was only during our walk back to the car that I looked a little deeper at my role….
I begrudgingly admitted I was already a bit off-kilter as we set off from the parking lot. My mind didn’t feel clear. I was anxious. Part of me was *expecting* something to go wrong.
And that fearfulness, that mental “static” did contribute to what happened — like it or not.
When I admitted that to myself, suddenly I found myself able to let the experience go. I didn’t need to tell anyone about it to validate my reaction – how in the wrong she clearly was.
I cared more about just having a good day and getting back into a happy, productive mood.
What’s your foundation been like when you have a run-in with the other household?
© 2011 Jennifer Newcomb Marine All Rights Reserved
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