As some of you may already know, Jenna has had a less than ideal relationship with the mother of her stepchildren.
These relationships are contentious!
But in the spirit of showing women what’s possible with our Just Meet Her! Challenge this month, she agreed to serve as a guinea pig and issue an invitation.
Lo and behold, when Jenna asked the mom in her situation if she’d like to participate, she graciously agreed.
Daphna Shyevitch is the mother of two teenage boys and Jenna Korf is their stepmom (and the stepmom voice for this blog).
Here’s what happened when they met….
Jennifer: Thanks so much for taking the challenge, Ladies!
I know this can be scary and I salute your bravery. A couple of questions for you….
What was your biggest fear going into the meeting?
Daphna: My biggest fear was that it would be a half-hour of awkwardness spent talking about superficialities.
Jenna: My biggest fear had to do with the lack of trust between us. I didn’t know if my words would possibly be turned around against me, if this meeting would ruin the (little bit) of progress we had made. I wasn’t sure of anything. It was really scary to go into this with someone I had such a volatile past with, and basically take my hands off the wheel. I had to stop myself from replaying in my mind all the nerve-wracking interactions and misunderstandings we’d had before. I was extremely nervous!
Jennifer: Describe what the experience was like for you
Daphna: Initially, I felt the awkwardness of the relationship and the situation, which generally I’d much rather avoid altogether. But once we started asking each other questions and sharing bits about ourselves, it began to flow.
Jenna: The experience was a positive one. I was running late and she texted me asking what kind of coffee I would like, which I thought it was really sweet. We took turns answering the questions. It was interesting to get a glimpse, even a tiny one, into her childhood. It was an opportunity to have a conversation with her that wasn’t emotionally charged. I enjoyed getting to know her in a different light.
Jennifer: What surprised you about it (in a good way)?
Daphna: I was surprised that it ended up being a fairly pleasant experience.
Jenna: That it didn’t kill me? No, seriously, I was surprised at how I felt at ease with her after a while. How we were just two women, each with our own history, sharing tea. I was surprised that I walked away thinking it was a positive, beneficial experience.
Jennifer: What new insights, if any, have you had about your relationship?
Daphna: It felt like a good first step to knowing Jenna, beyond old thoughts of her as ‘just’ my ex-husbands wife — who is now in my children’s life, and who I now have to deal with! Getting beyond the fact that we didn’t choose each other, BUT we can work (harmoniously) together to make the best of our dual-family life situation for my boys, and ourselves.
Jenna: That a couple of months ago I would have RAN from this challenge, but we’ve obviously made some real progress. That we can have a relationship that is respectful and kind. That it IS possible!
Jennifer: Thank you, Daphna and thank you, Jenna.
We hope our readers are inspired to take their first steps too!
© 2011 Jennifer Newcomb Marine All Rights Reserved
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