…you once liked him/her enough to have sex…

I enjoyed this short, but punchy post from The Smirking Cat on "Healing Families of Divorce." Here's an excerpt:

Treat your ex at least as well as you would a business partner.

you liked him/her enough at one time to have sex and have kids, so grow
the hell up. The kids deserve parents who can work together, make
decisions together, and basically not be ninnies. That requires both of
you, so suck it up and be a parent.

Go here to read more. 

Lots of stuff that bears repeating, for all sides. The thing I like about this post is that it keeps the emphasis on what things feel like for the kids if the adults are acting like… children. (Good thing this site isn't real, as I'm wildly allergic to cats!)

Also, check out the new blog by my good friend and fellow Austin Writergrrl, Kimber at The Inner Bitch Chronicles

'Course, anything with "bitch" in the title is okay by me, plus, she's a really good writer (can you say Playgirl magazine? I've wanted to buy copies when her articles have come out, but chicken-y me just can't imagine myself actually handing that over to the cashier at BookPeople or Borders). There's also a guest stint by another Austin Writergrrl, the fabulously talented and award-winning Wendy Wheeler.

Give it a gander!

© 2008 Jennifer Newcomb Marine All Rights Reserved

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  1. Hey, Jen!
    I totally agree with Smirking Cat. There have to be enough good memories from a once-fabulous-relationship-gone-south to sustain a modicum of respectful behavior. The kiddos deserve nothing less.
    Thanks for giving me the cyber wave. This blogging thing is getting easier the more I do it. Now if I can figure out the web search links, I’ll be in good shape.

  2. One problem with some of the “StepMom” blogs is that they are written from the perspective of a person who has no idea of the real story. They are also sometimes written by the person that is the problem. In my case, my ex and I could get along so much better if it was not for the constant interference of his new girlfriend–who likes to refer to her self as the “StepMother”. She adds conflict and drama where there is none and in the end, our kids suffer because of her actions–not those by myself or their father. I am the Bio Mom that one of these “stepmom” blogs is written about and I can tell you–it is so far from reality and truth. I have come to realize that the people who know the real story, their Dad and I, are the only ones who truly need to be able to get along. Also, how we choose to share the story is up to each of us.
    I agree that the children should not be made to suffer any more than necessary but when you are working/dealing with someone who has no underestanding or concept of boudaries–how do you make that happen?

  3. Hi Bio Mom,
    Yeah, I hear you – milking the drama and conflict really sucks if the other person seems to be feeding off it. Been there (not with Carol, but in other situations).
    I guess part of the problem is, we *all* have our own versions of “the real story” and those versions are all going to be different. She probably thinks there are things only SHE can see that YOU can’t(!) and I’m sure that influences her behavior. Pretty common for all of us though, huh? Who’s right and who’s ultimately “wrong”?
    What’s your relationship like with your ex? Do you two get along? Can he help run interference at all? If there is some sense of cooperation there, you might try to channel as many details as possible through him to minimize conflict with her. I know my ex and I are usually the ones who handle conversations about money. If there’s something he needs to clear with Carol first, then he does that before our conversation, or he gets back to her. Seems easier for it to just be us….
    I can imagine that it would probably feel kind of exposing and vulnerable — having someone else write a blog where they are writing about their unhappiness with you. That would make me cringe and keep me kind of riled up, I would think. I also know that’s probably a way for her to process stuff…. I guess all you can do is hope that she’s at least trying to move in a positive direction, ultimately. I don’t know which blog you’re referring to, but certainly there are ones where the writer seems to be just fine with being miserable, so to speak, instead of actively looking for ways to heal the situation.
    I agree that it’s unfortunate when all the crap between the women affects the kids. Can you talk to them about that? Let them know it’s something you’re working on? Or if not actively working on because you feel that things are so bad between you, at least frame it in a way so that they have a “big-picture” understanding of what’s going on (without slamming her)?
    Best of luck! If there’s something you’d like us to write about or cover in more detail, feel free to drop us an email.

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